Discworld Monthly - Issue 26: June 1999

1. Editorial

Welcome to issue 26. A recent posting to alt.fan.pratchett suggested there was animosity between the various Discworld fan organizations. This is simply not true. We all vehemently hate each others' guts. No, in actual fact we have met Phil Penney (Guild of Fans and Disciples), Elton Murphy (Clarecraft) and Steven Dean (TWK) and can honestly report that they're all Great Chaps. For more information about other Discworld fan organizations see section 8 of this issue.

You may have received an email recently stating we have moved our newsletter to a new list service called eGroups. This is to free up my time to concentrate on the newsletter rather than maintaining the list. As this service is free there will be a small advertisement at the bottom of each issue. I hope you don't find it too much of an inconvenience. For more information visit www.egroups.com

--
Jason Anthony (Editor) info@discworldmonthly.co.uk
William Barnett (Deputy Editor)
Richard Massey (Middle Aged Liar)

2. News

There was an interesting articale in the 22 May issue of the Daily Telegraph which stated that Paul Bamborough, who bought the film rights to MORT, has got United Pictures International, formerly Polygram Filmed Entertainment International, to agree to back the project, although he hasn't yet got a director.

The University of Warwick announced on Tuesday 30th March 1999, that Terry Pratchett is to be awarded an honorary degree and Honorary Doctor of Letters (Hon DLitt) at one of its Summer degree congregations on 14th July 1999.

Last month due to misinformation by The Forces of Chaos, I suggested that David Godden started a story club that is a spinoff from the Discworld club at Yahoo, The Watch House. Whilst David is a member of the club he didn't create it.

The licence granted by Terry Pratchett to Eric and Arthur Wall (wallbro) to produce alcoholic beverages, tankards, goblets and other Discworldly products has been terminated as a result of their failure to keep to the terms of their contract.

The Science of Discworld has just been released in the UK. You can purchase is from Amazon.co.uk by following this link: 0091865158/87

Following Perfect Entertainment's appointment of a liquidator, DISCWORLD NOIR has been transferred to its related company, TWG, and is almost ready to be handed over to GT for production and release.

The Fifth Elephant, Nanny Ogg's Cookbook and the paperback of Carpe Jugulum will be released on November 11th 1999.

Discworld Assassins' Guild yearbook and diary 2000 will be released on 19th August 1999.

If you are having problems getting the videos of Soul Music and Wyrd Sisters contact the Music Store on 0181-918-3000 (for overseas customers +44 181 918 3000]. They will take credit card bookings. If you prefer to pay by cheque write to: The Music Store, Freepost, AMG 1213, Barking, Essex, IG11 7BR.

Plans for a simple flying model of Granny Weatherwax (so named with Terry's permission) will be published in the August 1999 issue of AVIATION MODELLER INTERNATIONAL, which will be in the shops for 24 June. The model is a two dimensional representation of Granny on her broomstick, powered by rubber and according to Peter Miller very easy to build. It has a cloak span of 14.5 inches. The magazine article has full instructions including the address of a mail order company that can supply most of the materials, especially the harder to find items. The magazine will be in good news agents and model shops, but if readers don't see this notice in time then back issues can be ordered from Model Activity Press, 5 George Street, St Albans, Herts AL3 4ER at a cost of 3.75 pounds including postage in the UK. Overseas postage is extra.

Dream House are doing a one twelfth scale dolls house design of The Mended Drum. Write for further details to Dream.House@tesco.net . There's an article about it in the current issue of Dolls House World (out 29 April).

Colin Smythe ( CPSmythe@aol.com ), Terry's agent, has a new web site, located at http://www.colinsmythe.co.uk/

Newcastle Repertory Club, Newcastle, NSW, Australia, will present Wyrd Sisters at their Lambton theatre from 8th - 25th September 1999. For further information and mailing list inclusion please contact Michael Blaxland at blaxland@samaritans.org.au

Lords and Ladies is being performed at Sterts, Upton Cross, near Liskeard, Cornwall. On 23rd and 25th June and 6th, 14th, 17th and 21st July and 4th, 7th August and 14th August and 2nd and 3rd September. Box Office and information 01579 362382.

Longacre Players will be staging Wyrd Sisters on the 23rd, 24th and 25th June at Aberdeen Arts Centre. Tickets available from Aberdeen Box office.

Small Ads....

"Peter Webb" ( peter.webb@ac.com ) would like to establish if there is sufficient interest in Discworld in South Africa to organise some form of meet.

"Ian" ( mrwhite@globalnet.co.uk ) wonders if anyone out there likes Discworld books? [Never heard of it -Ed] If you do and want to chat about the finer points in Terry's books, you can reach him thru ICQ: 35644825

"Drama Queen" ( greenellen@hotmail.com ) desperately needs people who would be willing to help by filling in a short questionnaire about Terry Pratchett to go into an English assignment.

"Rosemary Roberts" ( 100120.2256@compuserve.com ) is in need of help on the first Discworld Game. She's seen the solution but can't locate the Livery Stables.

"Karen Humphreys" ( karenhumphreys@cwcom.net ) is desperately short of funds at the moment and has no alternative but to sell off her Clarecraft Discworld figurines including Death on a Motorcycle. She says: (it's gonna break my heart but I have no choice!) If anyone is interested in making me an offer they can e-mail me on the above address.

"Matthew Blundell" ( m02j1400@cwcom.net ) says: Thank you for the response to the request for the first Discworld game, I now need to know if anyone has the same game in Playstation format. It is for my mother as she only has a play station. You can contact her on 0181 300 4730.

"Raven Ronald Ermst van Dijk" ( ravenvandijk@yahoo.com ) is looking for a keypal that enjoys science fiction, PTerry, and other fantasy writers.

Would any under 20 year old Terry Pratchett readers in Ireland please contact "Fionnuala" at fio@cybergal.com as she would be interested to see where they get their Discworld books and information. Apart from DWM, presumably.

"Sherwin Pineda" ( experimentinplay@yahoo.com ) is interested in corresponding with fellow Pratchett fans of the female persuasion, preferably those in their twenties. It would be nice if they read other authors like Neil Gaiman.

"Evan Davies" ( gaspod@hotmail.com ) would like to correspond with Pratchett Fans in Canada.

"Philip Whitaker" ( pwfritwell@yahoo.com ) would like to get copies of Discworld games 1 & 2 for the PC, and wonders if it is likely they're going to be issued as a dual compilation set?

"Ciaran Chaza" ( gamman006@yahoo.com ) would like to know where to get the first [Discworld] game from.

"Kipper Brown" ( linda@burtondl.force9.co.uk ) is looking for Discworld 1 and 2 for the PC. He has been looking all over Lincoln for it since Christmas.

"Michael Hanson" would like to discuss Discworld and has several addresses as follows: Michael@ankmorpok.freeserve.co.uk Teppic@djelibeybi.freeserve.co.uk & Michael@unseen-univercity.freeserve.co.uk

"littlebloke" ( littlebloke@unbounded.com ) wants any Discworld fans on ICQ to give him a shout. His number is 29893235

"Santa" ( Santa@Farmline.com ) is looking for "Penpals" who love Discworld books, games and anything and says: I play Basketball and love anything to do with Discworld.

"Kian Ryan" ( Death@DeathsDomain.Freeserve.co.uk ) is a lowly Year 11 school programmer, trying to make a simple education. He is trying to make a Discworld resource centre, but will need help to complete it. He says: Please send all you can (pretty please). I would be very grateful if anyone could supply me with a list of links to start me off and then I can develop it from there. Please visit my chat forum at ~~www.delphi.com/Discworld~~. I am the great ATuin and I shall be available from 7PM (GMT) until approx 9PM (GMT) Monday and Wednesday and from 12PM (GMT) to 3PM (GMT) at the weekends.

"Brenden Matthews" ( bmatthews@cyberdude.com ) is looking for someone to chat over ICQ. Email him your ICQ number. Brenden would also love people to check out his new web site: ~~brendenspage.webjump.com~~

"Rachel Berry" ( madhamzter@usa.net ) is looking for people to exchange emails with. All will be answered. (Brave Girl)

"Joseph J" ( RAPTOR3121@AOL.com ) would like to know if there is anybody in the U.S. who has a copy of the Discworld Companion they would be willing to sell him. He says: I have tried every book store in my town, and none of them can even order the book! My parents don't allow me to buy things online, so that's out. This was the only other thing I could think of. If anybody is willing to sell me a copy at a reasonable price, PLEASE e-mail me.

"Stefan Rubly" ( stefan_rubly@hotmail.com ) is 19 years old and searching for a penpal (male or female, 15-25 years) and is especially looking for German penpals. You can even write by old fashioned letter if you email for the address first.

3. Readers' Letters

If you have any letters / comments, please email info@discworldmonthly.co.uk

We assume any correspondence is eligible for use in the newsletter unless otherwise stated, including the sender's email address. We may also edit your letters to make you sound like a Discworld chronology-obsessed madman.

Each month the writer of the month's best letter will receive two Discworld badges with PTerry quotes on them from Snapdragon Gifts. You can contact Snapdragon Gifts at witsend@ix.netcom.com or www.snapdragongifts.com. Please mention DWM in any correspondence.

*
* From: "Eslington" ( p_and_g@cableinet.co.uk )
*
Regarding Rosemary Warner's comments about the Discworld time line, I reckon that some of the inconsistencies can be explained by the fact that the time line needn't necessarily run in the order that the books are released.

Granted, some books do clearly follow others, like Men at Arms following Guards! Guards! and Soul Music is definitely after Men at Arms as Detritus makes an appearance as a Watchman.

The main limiting factor is the Librarian, who appears in most of the books since his first appearance in The Light Fantastic. So clearly the end of Equal Rites and Mort take place after the end of TLF.

*
* From: "DAVID KENNEDY" ( 9810654@coll.sms.ed.ac.uk )
*
Last month WB said: So, can anyone explain Mightily Oats and Pamphlet bloke or are they anachronisms? [He's sorry he asked now - Ed]

I really don't see the problem. Nothing either Oats or Visit has said leads me to believe that Brutha is dead. The church may be schisming every week, but this is surely the result of a Cenobiarch who doesn't care whether his followers think Om really was a tortoise, or it was a metaphor (for example), as long as they aren't killing each other, or anyone else, about it.

*
* From: "Jaime Letarte" ( letarte@hotmail.com )
*
As last month Emily Rynne was looking for Australia fans, she would do well to join ozdw@listbot.com a mailing-list for the Bugarup University Student's Guild, an OZ based PTerry fan-club. For more info, just mail to the list, or check out the web page at: (~~www.geocities.com/SoHo/Village/4108/index.html~~).

I'd say that Brutha is still in charge out Om way, and has just moved extremely fast when it comes to exchanging "torture the heretical infidels!" method of evangelism, to the "Go on, read our pamphlets, you know you want to"-type train of thought. As for Mightily Oats... I only read Carpe in a book store somewhere (for anyone in OZ, Slow Glass Books [Melbourne] is recommended, as the books get here quick and there a comfy chairs to sit in and read) but I do recall him quoting Brutha in the past tense.

Towards the end of Small Gods, we noticed Brutha was slipping into senility, so perhaps he has been tactfully hidden away from the general population at large and simply tells people what to do as an eminence grease.

Or perhaps the Trousers of Time are buggering about again.

*
* From: "Scarecrow" ( scarecrow99@bigpond.com )
*
This is just a little note to explain all those 'time discrepancies' that everyone seems to be having while trying to cross reference dates between Disc books. All the mistakes you have noticed are due to something called the BUE or Bugger Up Effect. It occurs frequently when a writer is more concerned with writing an interesting story than fiddling about with dates/times/weights and measures/ages. There you go, all the time line problems you could ever think of solved. So let's never speak of them again.

*
* From: "toon delie" ( toonbea@skynet.be )
*
It's very nice that people start trying to work when certain things happen, because it shows dedication and a deep liking of the series, but they shouldn't start getting worked up when things don't fit. Does anyone care if everything is arithmetically correct? Has anyone thought that maybe some characters are in the books because such allusions are good fun for readers and to Demon City with the fact that the second story happens before the first. Such things do not happen because of parallel universes or some other such nonsense (which, by the way, I do appreciate very much in the books themselves), but because the opportunity has arisen for the enrichment of the plot. Who gives a damn about anything as long as the book itself is good.

*
* From: "Tweedledee" ( HardingJR@cardiff.ac.uk )
*
Just a quick note for all those people who think Discworld should be in the National Curriculum. Last year my brother sat his G.C.S.E.'s and what did he find nestled away in the book for his unseen texts? A short excerpt from a Discworld book. I can't for the life of me remember which one, but if anyone really cares, email me and I will try to find out.

WB replies: Unseen texts - presumably he's now qualified in the study of invisible writings?

*
* From: "Richard Burton" ( r_c_burton@yahoo.com )
*
I joined DWM two months ago and this is my very first email. In response to Harald Alberg's idea of recommending other books which may appeal to Pratchett fans, can I suggest you look up Spike Milligan's books. (Especially his first four volumes of war memoirs and his novel 'Puckoon').

Also, what about a list of member's favourite 'one-liners' in Pterry's books. (You know, the ones that when, after you've read them, you start giggling and can't stop for ages). One line which had me in tears was when Rincewind was escaping through a collapsing tunnel, where "some rocks were missing him by inches, but others were hitting him in Kilograms" (N.B. This is from memory and may not be worded exactly)

WB replies: "Puckoon" gets my vote, too.

*
* From: "Will Wong" ( son_of_eris@hotmail.com )
*
It's May 2nd (or so, it's late) and I have yet to see a paperback of Hogfather or any copy of TLC. I've noticed that here in the US Discworld books come out late, why is that?

*
* From: "Jennie Lees" ( jalees@lineone.net )
*
My view on this is probably rather biased, being an English public schoolgirl, but I'll put it forward anyway. I feel that PTerry should at least be on our 'suggestions' list;

However, I don't feel we should use PTerry's works for 'lit crit', as it were. Studying three of Jane Austen's novels for course work has put me off them for life, and I wouldn't want others to be influenced towards PTerry similarly.

*
* From: "Susan Mowat" ( suemowat@globalnet.co.uk )
*
I was interested in the results of your reader profile survey in the April edition, especially the age bracket section. As a member of one of the older categories, I would like to encourage the majority (under 30) to introduce their parents/aunts/uncles/grandparents to Discworld.

I found out about it from my 18-year old student son (yes - a computer student even!), and I know of at least one other person of my age who came to TP by a similar route. So, you of the majority, lend a book to your elders, or even give them one for Christmas or a birthday. Please.....

*
* From: "Richard Epp" ( repp@unixg.ubc.ca )
*
I want to thank PTerry for getting me to read again. Something's been bothering me though. 1) We know Rincewind's mother ran away before he was born, and as far as I know he has no siblings, so how does he know he's a wizard? This may have been explained in "Eric" or "Last Continent" I have read neither, but might this explain his total ineptness at magic?

*
* From: "Lori Richards" ( gen29@interlog.com )
*
I would love to see a "recommendations" section.

While I'm writing you, I'd also like to complain about the length of time it takes for us to get PTerry's books here in Canada. I read about new books on DWM many months before they arrive here. I tell the bookstore managers about the books and they've never heard of them. When the books do finally arrive they are in hardcover and cost over $30.00 Canadian - that's about 15 pounds. [That's less than we pay in the UK - Ed]

It takes another 8 months to a year to get the same book in paperback.

I'm not rich, but I'm an avid reader with a particular love for PTerry's books (which I share with my son). I've bought every single one I could put my hands on. In fact, I've sometimes bought the same book twice, because I've given my copy to my son.

It would also be nice if PTerry came to see us here, but if that keeps him from writing, I'll forgo the pleasure of meeting him and buy another expensive hardcover instead... Sigh!

I feel very put upon. This is something like unrequited love.

*
* From: "Aaron Richards" ( aaron.richards@eudoramail.com )
*
We've had the paperback of The Last Continent for at least 6 months in Australia. Just thought that I would let you know.

*
* From: "Robert Berkelmans" ( Robert.Berkelmans@97.STUDENT.WAU.NL )
*
I would just like to make a small comment on the newsletter of May. You said that the Broken Drum first appeared in the book COM and I must say that for the Discworld books this is undeniably true. But the Broken Drum also appears in Strata (page 37) where Kin meets Marco. I thought that Strata was written before COM. Well keep up the good work.

*
* From: "Bob Southwell" ( bobsouthwell@bigfoot.com )
*
To anyone who has seen the Soul Music animated cartoon series (or video):

Is it my imagination or what - in Susan's first interview with Miss Butts, when she is asked about her "other" Grandfather, she appears to have a shield or pocket or school emblem over her right breast; after her brief reverie thinking about her grandfather, when she focuses again on Miss Butts, the emblem, pocket, thingy is now over her left breast. Its a sort of yellow shield shaped thing.

Has anyone else noticed this?

*
* From: "Kevin Cooper" ( ckf@np.edu.sg )
*
I was interested to see the results of your survey and was not surprised that Death was the favourite character. (Who could fear death when you know it's a skeleton that likes cats and curries?) What did surprise me, however, is how highly Rincewind scored (ahead of the Librarian), because of all Pratchett's characters he is the only one who has remained flat and two-dimensional. All of the other characters, the witches, the wizards, the guards, even Gaspode have developed distinct personalities and histories but Rincewind remains the same: a coward and a failed wizard. None of the top ranked books in your survey were Rincewind stories so I am at a loss to understand his popularity. I would be interested in Rincewindophiles reasons for liking the character.

*
* From: "fiona macintyre" ( jedi1981@hotmail.com )
*
I have discovered two authors who you might be interested in. First of all is the Xanth series by Piers Anthony which is set in the land of Xanth (a place filled with puns that bears more than a faint resemblance to Florida). American fans will love this part, Xanth books are in abundance over there but a little harder to get hold of in the UK. If it's the humour in Discworld that you love, I recommend Robert Rankin (in particular The Garden of Unearthly Delights and the Ultimate Truth series). The humour is a little off the wall, but there are some brillant characters and conspiracy theories.

*
* From: "Samuel Willcocks" ( samuelw91@hotmail.com )
*
For fans of the "god of evolution" in TLC (I think of him as the Galapagos God), the little essays on evolutionary biology by Stephen Jay Gould, or the bigger books by JBS Haldane.

For those who want way-out wild science fiction with an Australian twist, the works of Cordwainer Smith. these are horribly difficult to get hold of however and what's more can be fairly disturbing. Older readers only.

On a completely different note, I'm coming back home from Slovenia in about a month, and would love to hear from older fans in the Brighton area who can tell me what's been happening in the UK for the past three years; samuelw91@hotmail.com

5. Who's Who on the Discworld: The Luggage

It's impossible to read the Colour of Magic and the Light Fantastic and not be impressed by the Luggage. You immediately notice it, bang in the foreground on the cover of The Colour of Magic (the UK edition, at least) and it has a similar impact at the beginning of the story. The combination of the image it conjours up and its arcane origins are typical of the early Discworld books. It's also one of the few features of the series that Josh Kirby has got exactly right (with no disrespect intended to JK), although, perhaps, it is bound to be. A wooden chest on hundreds of little legs - it's immediately clear in one's mind, whereas things like Twoflower's 'four eyes' or trolls the size of mountains require a much greater effort of the imagination.

The Luggage is probably the most extraordinary thing about Twoflower's entrance to Ankh-Morpork. Rincewind immediately recognises the stupendous magical rarity of the Luggage: it is made from sapient pearwood, a fiercely sought-after substance that is only found on the sites of the ancient magical battles. The high magical residue imbues sapient pearwood with its ambulatory abilities (read: legs) and, uh, sapience. While great wizards might work for years to earn a staff made of sapient pearwood, Twoflower has a whole chest made of the stuff. Which he keeps his underwear in.

Everyone who encounters the tourist is alternately incredulous and overcome with avarice when they see it. To date the Luggage has been reported to contain alternately: sacks of gold, pressed laundry and rows of gleaming white wooden teeth. The fantastic wealth the Luggage contains is matched by its air of sinister malice: what a fate, to be caught in enormous, white, wooden teeth and disappear to... where? I'm surprised that nothing else has been written about what could be in a chest made up of the most magical stuff on the Discworld, next to Octiron.

Rincewind was and is singularly terrified of the Luggage, and I rather think that the Luggage hates Rincewind. Which makes it all the more amusing that Twoflower thought it the ideal parting gift. Receiving a fully grown rottweiler - with attitude - as a present is surely the closest analogy.

I don't think PTerry ever recaptured, the impact of the Luggage in the first two novels. The lowest point may be the time when the Luggage found a partner and had offspring (I.T.). This seems to me a pointless inclusion, only there as a cheap gag and far too reminiscent of the Skutter offspring bit in Red Dwarf (Dimension Jump) - which wasn't funny either. That said, Rincewind's reaction to the Luggage's new nickname, 'Trunky', in The Last Continent is thoroughly true to character and very funny.

Favourite quote: 'Shlup,' said Rincewind. He felt Weem jerk upright in the saddle. 'Eh?' 'Just clearing my throat.' said Rincewind, and grinned.

6. Results of last month's Cunning Artificer Competition

Last month, apart from getting Bernard's email and web address wrong, we asked the following questions:

Q1.: Who was saved by Susan in the Drum?
A1.: Imp Y Celyn

Q2.: Who went to the Drum to forget?
A2.: Death

Q3.: What is the name of the arcade machine in the Drum?
A3.: Barbarian Invaders or The Quizzing Device

We had a huge number of entries in this competition and the randomly selected winner is "Russell Caton" from England.

For more information about Bernard's products visit www.behemoth.demon.co.uk or email tom@behemoth.demon.co.uk

7. DiscTrivia

Well, since last month's article I have received at least another 30 subscribers, which is very heartening. We'll be really getting down to business in the next month or so. In the meantime, here is your monthly trivia installment. Oh, and don't forget to check out the Discworld Ring if you haven't already - it now has 30 members (www.users.bigpond.com/Hormel)

Q1: - How many books feature Rincewind as the main character?
Q2: - What eventually happened to the DisOrganiser?
Q3: - Where were most of the UU wizards during the sourceror episode?
Q4: - What was Drum Billet reincarnated as?
Q5: - How did Mrs Flitworth die?

Danu Poyner ( hormel@bigpond.com ), Brisbane, Australia

8. Information: Other Discworld Fan Organizations

So you've read every Discworld Monthly so many times you can quote every mistake in every issue (have you been on Mastermind yet?), and still want more Pratchett information. Try the following:

Phil Penney runs the Guild of Fans and Disciples which has a bi-monthly newsletter called Ramtop to Rimfall. For more information visit ~~www.users.zetnet.co.uk/redimp/~~

Elton Murphy runs Clarecraft's Collectors Guild which produces a regular newsletter about their products and includes Terry Pratchett news. For more information visit ~~wwww.clarecraft.co.uk/~~

Steven Dean runs TWK which was one of the original Terry Pratchett fan magazines. TWK comes out roughly two to three times a year. For more information email: thewizardsknob@btinternet.com

Andrew Millard edits a newsletter called WOSSNAME for the "Good Old" North American Discworld Society. For more information visit ~~discworld.imaginary.com/DiscworldSociety/wossname/~~

If you run a Terry Pratchett / Discworld fan organization and haven't been mentioned, its probably due to the animosity mentioned in the editorial. Please let me know at info@discworldmonthly.co.uk

9. Feature: What If Disney Did Discworld? - Part 1

Anthea Swee Chin Tan writes a warning about too much commercialism in Discworld. Can you imagine a world where Disney produces Discworld Musicals?

The feature below is a work of complete fiction based on Men at Arms. If you haven't read Men at Arms don't read this. To the best of our knowledge Disney is not planning to make a Discworld musical.

Walt Disney presents.... Terry Pratchett's Discworld

The camera pans through the dark streets of the Shades in a 3D first person perspective, showing brief snatches of crimes in progress eg: a mugging, a murder (ie: knife poised in the air but not striking because of little kiddies in the audience), a break-in etc... only to settle on a close up of the tired face of Captain Vimes. He takes a deep breath of the foul putrid air and breaks into a fit of coughing and hacking. Carrot, who is by his side, pats him on the back until he has recovered.

"You know son..." he wheezes, "I'm going to miss this when I'm gone..." and carrot says, "where are you going, captain Vimes?" and the insidious big band score which has been creeping up in the background builds to a climactic big bang.

Vimes: (Ala rex Harrison in my fair lady - apologies to Frankie)
start spreading the news
I'm leaving today
ain't gonna wait around no more
Ankh-Morpork, Ankh-Morpork

these cardboard soles are melting away
I'm turning them in for leather boots,
new soles, new soles
no longer fearful for my life
in this city that never sleeps
to find I'm king of the hill,
lord of the manor,
when I take Sybil's hand and we walk to the altar

these cardboard soles have worn away
walking these dark and dangerous streets of
Ankh-Morpork, Ankh-Morpork
if you can make it there
it's illegal everywhere
goodbye to you
Ankh-Morpork, Ankh-Morpork

by the end of the song, inevitably and inexplicably, the whole street, including cut-throats, cut-purses and murder victims will be joining in the chorus and performing wonderfully choreographed dancing routines in a seemingly spontaneous display of affection (or otherwise) for the city.

Pan outwards to a magnificent birds-eye view of the city showing the patrician's palace, UU and the tower of art. Keep ascending until the whole disc is seen blackout.

(stylized words appear)
Walt Disney presents: Discworld

Darkness is lifted to show that it is a turtle's eyelid blinking now show turtle swimming in the void.

Morph into clockwork turtle swimming in a glass dome on a shop counter. A dark hooded character is seen handing a elongated parcel to the dwarf behind the counter. "F-fix it!" he says and then is gone.

[a shallow adaptation of the plot is advanced slightly]

The next part of this feature will appear in a future issue.

10. The End

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* This month's DiscTrivia Answers *

Q1: - How many books feature Rincewind as the main character?
A1: - 6

Q2: - What eventually happened to the DisOrganiser?
A2: - It was eaten by a shark

Q3: - Where were most of the UU wizards during the sourceror episode?
A3: - At their aunties', or so they say.

Q4: - What was Drum Billet reincarnated as?
A4: - The tree Esk loved to sit in

Q5: - How did Mrs Flitworth die?
A5: - She passed away without knowing during the harvest dance.

* Obtaining PTerry's Books *

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Discworld Monthly - Issue 26: June 1999

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