Better Than

Discworld Monthly - Issue 87: July 2004

Table of Contents:

1. Editorial
2. News
3. Readers' Letters
4. DiscTrivia
5. Cunning Artificer Event - May 2004
6. Competitions
7. Recording of Radio Four's Book Club - Mort.
8. Review: Clarecraft - Miniature Librarian.
9. The End

1. Editorial

Welcome to issue 87. I would like to say special thanks to Nick Howe and David Woodall for coming up with a couple of excellent articles after my request last month. Nick's article about the Recording of Radio Four's Book Club - Mort appears this month and David Woodall's The Heraldry Of The Disc will appear next month.

If you think you can produce articles of this quality please feel free to get in touch.

I've decided to include a subsection in the News area. The new section will be called Discworld Dates and will include details of upcoming events. Entries in remain in this section until they go out of date. This should hopefully prevent events being missed.

After the confusion of running two competitions this month I have decided to only run one at a time in future. The consequence of this is that I will not be giving away the XL Nac Mac Feegle T-shirt designed by Paul Kidby away until next issue. For more details on these excellent T-shirts please visit

Jason Anthony (Editor)
William Barnett (Deputy Editor)
Richard Massey (Fridge Worshipper)

2. News

Stephen Briggs has won the science fiction award at the Audies for his reading of Montrous Regiment recorded by ISIS in the UK and published by Harper Collins in the US.

The Audie Awards honour excellence in audio publishing and have awards in 26 categories. The announcement took place on 4th June 2004 in Chicago.

The finalists were selected by a panel of over 150 judges representing all areas of the audiobook world. Judges were responsible for reviewing 668 audiobooks.

More details at:

The Russian Terry Pratchett site ( has moved to a new URL. From now on you can locate it at

The Silver Horde now has its own web site. It is very much a work in progress at the moment. Apart from introducing the "real" Silver Horde it is intended to be a repository of everything they get up to, and the photographic evidence to prove it, at fan meets. All contributions (both photographic and articles) will be gratefully received.

Preparations are being made for the first Australian Discworld Convention 'Nullus Anxietas' for January 2006. It's in very early stages at the moment but anyone is welcome to come to the website, and join in the discussion and keep up to date with news!

News from Colin Smythe:

I'm delighted to say that on 16 July Terry receives his fourth honorary doctorate - a LittD from the University of Bristol.

L'Atalante have signed contract for French editions of The Fifth Elephant and The Truth Noesis in Romania are buying Sourcery Borgens in Denmark are buying Mort and Sourcery Pocket Books in France are buying mass market paperback rights in Interesting Times and Maskerade.

Proszynski in Poland have just published Feet of Clay, and Terry has just returned from a four day signing which had it been twice as long would not have satisfied Polish fans. They had to be turned away from the shops in their hundreds as there were too many wanting their books signed. At one time he was signing 20 books a minute; the only way to leave two of the shops to catch the last train was with the help of a column of security guards!

Fantasy Fan ( is looking for Discworld fans to help to expand the Quiz section. They already have 13 Discworld sets (130 questions in total) and are looking forward to posting more. Apart from the trivias the site has tons of other stuff Fantasy Fans could be interested in.

BursarVixen Enterprises, the only Roundworld distributor of Discworld beers, will be offering Scumble for sale via their web site. Demand is expected to be high, so order today to avoid disappointment.

Ordering is easy - just visit and follow the menu to the beer section.

Scumble can now also be purchased as part of the Discworld Beer Variety Pack priced at 9.55 GBP plus P&P.

BVE also have a range of Discworld merchandise for sale on their web site, including Brian's Magical Mug, inspired by A Hat Full of Sky.

Discworld Dates...

This section will contain events that you need to keep in your diary. Entries will remain until they go out of date. New entries will include the word [New] next to them. If this section gets too large we will start pruning entries.

Loughborough based theatre group Community Theatre at Burleigh will be presenting "MEN AT ARMS" at Burleigh Community College, Thorpe Hill, Loughborough, Leicestershire from Thursday 8th July 2004 to Saturday 10th July 2004 (inclusive).

Performances begin at 7.30pm. Tickets are 5.50 GBP, or 4.50 GBP concessions and are available from Tony Hilton on 01509-232140 or by e-mail from

To find out more about the group, go to

Sudbury Dramatic Society based at The Quay Theatre in Sudbury, Suffolk are about to pay a return visit to the Discworld to perform Carpe Jugulum after their successful previous ventures there with Mort and Wyrd Sisters. Production dates are Tuesday 7th to Saturday 11th September at 7.45pm with a matinee on Saturday 11th September at 2.30pm. Tickets are available now from the Box Office on 01787 374745. Visit the SDS website at

Maggie Wilde writes: September is not so far now. It's amazing how time flies so if you haven't got your Wadfest tickets, hurry up and get them NOW! The action starts on Friday 17th September and winds up on Sunday 19th. This year promises to be bigger and better than ever. Lots of celebs in the form of Bernard Pearson (the Cunning Artificer), Dave Hodgesaaaargh, Constable Waddy (in masculine clothing, we hope!) and the Thud Master - Trevor Truran. Be prepared to become a troll or a dwarf for Live Thud and the Koom Valley battle re-enactment. There will be things to buy, things to paint and things to tire you out completely. Much quaffing of ale is practised, (yet to be perfected) and lots of things for the kiddies to do such as Luggage Wars. Dressing up as Discworld folks is encouraged among children of ALL ages and prizes given for the bestest! Callow Top campsite is a luxurious place with showers, hairdryers, washing up sinks, a swimming pool and laundrette, a shop, a pub and what more could you possibly want? Come for the camping, come for the fresh air, come for the camaraderie, come for Discworld! Just 12.50 GBP for a whole weekend, kids come free unless in separate tent. (5 GBP per child's tent). Visit to book or to get more info plus piccies of previous Wadfests or call Waddy on 0115 849 1537. We want to see you there! Auntie M.

Colsterworth Music and Drama society are performing Wyrd Sisters on 12th and 13th November 2004 at their spacious village hall. Tickets will be on sale in September. You can pre order tickets by e-mailing - any other queries can be sent to the same address.

The Longueville Little Theatre Company is producing Wyrd Sisters at the Jennie Lee Theatre in Bletchley, Milton Keynes from 24th to the 27th November 2004. Tickets are available from the box office tel. no. 01908 613145, and cost 6.50 GBP each. Further details are available on

Derby Players, based in Ormskirk, Lancashire is intending to perform Carpe Jugulum next January. Casting will take place in June, and rehearsals will start in September. They are looking for local people who would be interested in taking some of the smaller roles in this play. This is an ideal way to become involved in amateur theatre, and it's good fun too!

Anyone interested should contact Kevin Green as soon as possible on or visit

Small Ads....

Please note, DWM has no way of checking the veracity or validity of any of the items in our small ads section. As always, exercise caution when giving out your details over the Internet. We *strongly* recommend parental supervision for younger readers who
follow up any of these contacts.

Liz writes: I have a question. I will be visiting Britain briefly en route to and from Ireland in October, and would like to pick up Pratchett merchandise for my 2 sons while I'm over. Will I only find it in London, or do you think Sheffield might have some in bookstores? Our stay includes flying visits through London in both directions, so I definitely won't have time to go shopping!

John Robinson writes: I am trying to find (buy) a copy of Terry Pratchett: Guilty of Literature, and have been coming up empty. The Science Fiction Foundation that published it seems to be out of them. Do any of the readers of Discworld Monthly know of a source, in the United States if possible but if not, anywhere, for this book? I would be deeply grateful.

Kane Scott > writes: I have a spare copy of Monstrous Regiment in hardback and I am willing to give away free to anyone from a country where this book is not yet available (I promised my girlfriend I wouldn't buy it so she could get it for me for x-mas but how could I not?!).

Barry O'Brien o' writes: Hi Folks, I am the producer of an Australian TV quiz called "The Einstein Factor" which runs on ABC-TV. We are looking for a person in Australia (preferably Melbourne) who can verify questions and answers for a contestant who is coming on our show with the topic "Discworld". I'd appreciate any help you can give.

David A Harvey writes: With the Discworld Convention in mind I thought that people might be interested to know that if they can't make Hinkley or want to see some of the guests again, Stephen Briggs, Bernard Pearson (who is a delight to meet, as is his lovely lady) and the Reverend Lionel (Fanthorpe) are on the guest list for ArmadaCon 5-7th November 2004 at the Copthorne Hotel in Plymouth ( It is a much smaller Convention than Hinkley with about 100 or so attendees usually so you get to see a lot of the guests, err sorry, get to see the guests a lot, which isn`t quite the same thing ;^).

3. Readers' Letters

If you have any letters or comments, please email them to

We assume any correspondence is eligible for use in the newsletter unless otherwise stated, including the sender's email address. We may also edit your letters until the paper goes yellow with age.

It is vitally important that you don't pass off other people's work as your own. If you use information from other resources please let us know so we can give proper credit.

The best letter of the month will receive a Kiss the Cook print supplied by Bonsai Trading. Bonsai Trading is the Discworld store that brings you Clarecraft figurines, diaries & calendars, Thud and much more.

* From: "Jane Ryder"
Just wanted to say how much I enjoyed reading my first issue of DWM. It feels lonely here in the States sometimes, though, hearing about all the cool Discworld stuff that goes on over there (and how often The Man Himself turns up at things). If I had the money, I'd be at the Con like a shot (being a fan of your lovely country as well, anyway). Alas. Every time I read a DW book I wish I could afford to go to England again -- and since I always seem to be re-reading one or another, I spend a lot of time wishing. And believe me, anywhere green and moist sounds especially heavenly to me right now: I live in Arizona, and summer's just really starting to kick in. You know how they say "It's not the heat, it's the humidity?" Well, in Tucson it's the freaking SUN. "Feeling the sun beat down on you" is a phrase we use very literally.

Anyway. Thanks for the newsletter. I was pleasantly surprised to find that Discworld fans are every bit as literate when they write as when they read. Which doesn't really make sense, but it should.

* From: "Saurio"
Just read "Feet of Clay" and, as I always do when reading TP, I go to the APF to get the "behind the scenes" information. To my surprise, although it's repeatedly said that golems are Discworld equivalents of robots there's no mention that the chem's instructions are very similar to Asimov's Laws of Robotics.

So, is Dorfl R. Daneel Olivaw? (just kidding)

On another note, being myself a non-english speaking native I don't get the pun in the title "Witches Abroad". Since this is the only pun-in-title I don't get, please be kind and tell me.

DWM replies: 'Abroad', in this context, means both 'overseas' and 'out and about'. 'Witches Abroad' sounds ominous, but it doesn't usually mean 'on holiday'.

* From: "David Park"
I am a big fan of the Discworld books but there are two things that puzzle me and since I shouldn't waste Terry's time by emailing him while he's writing a new book (hopefully) I thought that perhaps you could help me out.

1. Why on the UK release cover of Men At Arms does the bibliography say 'And they need all the help they can get. Because they've only got twenty-four hours to clean up the town and this is Ankh-Morpork were talking about...' Is it just me or does this have nothing to do with the actual plot of the book?

2. Why are some words with 's' in them spelt with an 'f'. I know this could be to show an accent but I am positive I saw it written like this for an Ankh-Morporkian in one of the books.

* From: "Paul Johnson"
To those who asked,

The leather-bound Unseen Library is published by the Fantasy and Science Fiction Book Club ( I think). Thus far, the first nine Discworld books have been published in this way.

* From: "Evins, Ralph P"
As some of you probably already know, the white horse as featured in a Hat Full of Sky really exists - it's in West Oxfordshire, near my house. And it looks like it does in the book - what a horse should be. Check out for more info. Also follow the link from there to Waylands' Smithy - a real burial chamber for kings located nearby. Look out for the Picsties, but you won't see them.

* From: "Brian Wallace"
When I read Men at Arms' description of the museum, I know exactly what it looked like. In an episode of The Avengers, in the Tara King era, Tara visited a clown museum curated by John Cleese! She was searching for a specific clown and had to look at all the little eggs, while Cleese jittered around, asking her to be careful. Of course, when Tara went out the door, all the shelves fell down. Was Pterry an Avengers fan? I sure am.

* From: "Paul Boehlert"
Just a quick note to let you know of an interesting little grassroots phenomenon. I'm a member of the Small Layout Design group on Yahoo, which trades designs, advice and chat about model railways. Recently, a number of group members (myself included) have begun using DW allusions, and a fun sub-thread has developed, much to the puzzlement of non-fans.

So the moderators announced a Discworld Layout Challenge, seeking DW-themed designs of less than 25 square feet. As I write this the contest is still in progress, with rumoured entries of Ankh-Morpork tramways with Leonard-designed locomotives powered by swamp dragons. My own design is the Uberwald & Schmaltzberg, which hauls great lumps of fat from the dwarf mines down to lowland cities--if the train isn't ambushed by werewolves.

DWM readers who also like model railways might enjoy this group. To join, simply call up Small Layout Design on Yahoo Groups.

DWM replies: Paul gets Letter of The Month because WB thinks model railways are cool!

* From: "Hasseena Asan"
I'm having problems getting the UK cover version books lately and might have to resort to buying the US cover versions but only as long as the contents are exactly the same. Do you know if the contents differ in any way between the Discworld books published by the UK publishers vs the US publishers?

* From: "Michael Cannon"
This past semester I taught Pratchett's THIEF OF TIME in a literary genres course in comic literature. The course is an upper level English elective course offered at Chapin High School in El Paso, Texas. In this course, Pratchett is in company with Aristophanes, Cervantes, Shakespeare, Moliere, Wilde, and Wodehouse. The student's number one favorite author was - what a surprise - Terry Pratchett. I now have a number of Pratchett devotees - actually a small cult! Academia beware!

WB replies: I'm alarmed to see that you only had one student on this course, Michael.

* From: Jane Harrington
Responding to Angela White's letter about naming her rabbit Binky, I recently bought a motorcycle... and after spending several weekends cleaning and fixing and buying various bits for it, it occurred to me that owning a motorcycle was a lot like owning a horse. They take a lot of care, maintenance and money just to be able to ride it for 20 minutes a day. So naturally I named the new bike after my favourite horse. (The cover of Soul Music also probably had something to do with it.) My only regret is that I didn't splash out for the vanity plate.

* From: "Greg Lovegrove"
C'mon people, it's just a scrawl of ink on a piece of paper. Right?

My wonderful mother went and got a book signed, for me, by The Man himself. Mum gets up to the front of the line and asks for it to be made out to Greg.

"One 'g' or two" he asks, a reasonable question (apparently some freaks spell it Gregg, they must loathe their parents).

So Mum says "one", he signs the book and hands it back. As Mum is walking away she opens the book and finds written inside the front cover "To Gre , good on ya mate!"

So even though technically my name wasn't actually signed on the book, it's still up there among the best presents I have ever received!

* From: "Shirley Pomeranz"
This is a serious request. I have read "The Science of Discworld..", vols. I and II, (and every Terry Pratchett book that I can get) and think that if Terry Pratchett (with co-authors as desired) wrote a calculus text (for use by engineering, science, math college freshmen, etc.) this would be a wonderful way to teach calculus.

DWM replies: Surely you can't be serious...?

4. DiscTrivia

This month we continue our series of Trivia based on quotes. We provide the quote and you need to guess the character and novel. We would like to thank Peter McElwee for researching and organising these questions.

I expect that your ears develop protective rough surfaces after a while.
Have you ever bitten a red-hot ice cube?
Is the high priest an Offlian? Does a dragon explode in the woods?
I'll tell you, the day someone pulls the plug out of the bottom of the universe, the chain will lead all the way to Ankh-Morpork and some bugger saying, "I just wanted to see what would happen."
I wonder, could you stop trying to twist my head off?

The results, as always, appear at the end of this issue.

5. Cunning Artificer Event - May 2004

by Jason Anthony

Although the event didn't officially start until Saturday I arrived late afternoon (after spending far too much time stuck on the A303 near Stonehenge) on Friday to ensure I was able to make the most of the weekend. After making my presence known I met up with some old friends at Bernard's shop and we decided to retire to the local hostelry for a few drinks and a bite to eat.

Saturday's events started properly in the games room where Trevor Truran was demonstrating two new Discworld board games: Watch Out (which was originally previewed at last year's May event, but has since been refined and developed quite substantially) and Skirmish which is played on a three by three chequered board (this game appears very simple until you try to play it).

There was a large paint your own section where people were studiously converting their white models into their own works of art. Hair dryers had been set up in the corner and the concentrated silence of the workers was only interrupted when paints needed drying.

The May Queen event, a chance for any girls (or guys) to put on their best frocks and parade around in front of everyone, was next on the agenda. Even though this was an equal opportunity event, surprisingly, only two men decided to dress up. Seeing Waddy in a dress is not a sight for the faint hearted (he was apparently even responsible for making his own dress and owns his own sewing machine). I found it rather worrying that he kept the dress on well past the Maskerade and late into the night.

I took advantage of the next gap in proceedings to obtain more beer and to consume one of the excellent burgers that was being bar-b-queued outside the Dolphin pub.

After lunch a Maskerade took place with some very interesting and amazing costumes on display, such as Death with a glowing scythe. At the end of the Maskerade, Terry announced that several people had taken an interest in his t-shirt that proclaimed, "I visited the Cunning Artificers and all I got was an empty wallet" and proceeded to take off the t-shirt and ask who would give him 10 GBP for it for charity, stating that it event contained some of his DNA. After some intense bidding the event's chosen charity REMAP were 200GBP better off. Luckily the organisers of Wadfest had earlier given Terry one of their new, great looking, t-shirts so he was not exposed for too long.

In the evening a special sausage supper (with locally produced sausages) had been arranged, with the diners split over a number of pubs (in order to accommodate them all). After the meal was finished we all converged on the Bear (which has the largest room) for the charity auction. Before the auction started Bernard gave out special event mugs to the winners of the Maskerade and May Queen events.

One thing that always amazes me is just how much fun the charity auctions can be. The mixtures of items varied from everyday items such as a hardback of Feet of Clay to much rarer items such as the Drabble project (which contains one of Terry's short stories). Terry also auctioned the chance to be in the next Discworld novel after Going Postal as a member of the Watch. This added another 750 GBP to the total. In the end the auction managed to raise a total of around 1940 GBP (including the money raised from Terry's t-shirt). REMAP, the charity in question, is a group of talented craftsmen that makes equipment to improve the quality of life for disabled people. The charity often converts old or broken equipment into new and useful tools and runs on a very small amount of money, so the auction should really make a difference to a lot of people.

Once the official events were over, people went back to the serious business of consuming copious amounts of alcohol until well into the night.

Sunday morning tends to be a more relaxed affair where people nurse hangovers or take advantage of sneaking into Bernard's shop to make their final purchases of the weekend. I took the opportunity to watch Lupine the magician doing Carroc readings and then spent some time trying the new games again.

Then suddenly is was almost all over. We made our way back to the Bear where Bernard gave out a few thanks and then asked us nicely to go away.

After many goodbyes it was time to face the A303 and head home after a very enjoyable weekend. Roll on the Convention when I can meet up with my friends again.

Bernard will be announcing a December event in due course so keep an eye on for full details.

6. Competitions

* Bursar Vixen Result *

Last month we gave you the opportunity to win an unspecified prize from Bursar Vixen Enterprises. We still haven't been told what the prize is so would the winner please let us know?

We asked you to answer two questions.

BVE are going to be at Worldcon - who are the two pro guests of honour?
What is the newest addition to the range of Discworld Beers offered by BVE, currently unavailable?

The correct answers were, of course.

A1. Terry Pratchett and William Tenn
A2. Nanny Ogg's Scumble.

The randomly selected winner was Jeremy Cunday of Horsham, West Sussex.

Your prize should soon be on its way. For more information about Bursar Vixen prizes please visit

* ISIS Audio Result *

Last month ISIS offered us three prizes. The first was a copy of Truckers plus one other available book and two runners up prizes of Truckers on audio book.

We asked you to answer the following question.

Q. How many audio books has Stephen Briggs read for ISIS?

The answer of course is very complicated. I accidentally said that Stephen had read ten books for ISIS in my Truckers review, which was wrong. Also if you just asked the ISIS website how many titles Stephen has read the answer will be 22 because they are on both tape and CD.

The correct answer is eleven books: Eric, Monstrous Regiment, Night Watch, Strata, The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents, The Fifth Elephant, The Last Hero, The Truth, The Wee Free Men, Thief of Time and Truckers.

I therefore decided to accept 10, 11 or 22 as correct answers.

The randomly selected winner is Jo Giles of Morecambe, Lincolnshire and the two runners up are Penny Beeston of Redcar, Cleveland and Cathy Young of Weybridge, Surrey.

For more information about the full range ISIS audio books visit

* Bonsai Trading Competition *

This month Bonsai Trading are offering a goodie bag of 6 different standard size pewter miniatures, either chosen by the Winner, or randomly selected if they have no preference. In order to win this great prize all you need to do is is send the answer to by 23rd July 2004. You must also include your your postal town in the message and set the subject of your email to Bonsai Competition.

Q. What Discworld character is immortalised in the Pewter Miniature with the code DMP64?

The randomly selected winner will be announced next month. More information about Bonsai Trading's extensive range of products can be found at

7. Recording of Radio Four's Book Club - Mort.

by Nick Howe

A visit to the BBC is always a humbling experience; you're in An Institution, after all. Your earliest memories, beliefs and experiences are bound to have been led, shaped, or backdropped by its output, in one form or another, so to be inside it, within the bosom of Aunty - well, you know you're in good hands. We were there last month to be part of a small audience for a recording of Radio Four's Book Club. The premise is simple: 20 or so fans read the same book and get together to discuss the story, the characters, the plot and so on. With the author present to add to the discussion. Mr Pratchett duly turned up and gave great value for money.

As a recorded show, rather than live, we were encouraged to relax and just chat about the book, asking questions whenever we thought of them. The professional edge would be added by the editors afterwards, who'd get rid of the 'Ums', 'Errs' and 'Aaahs'. We kicked off with a brief introduction to Discworld by the host and a warning, given in the gentlest terms possible, not to be 'too nerdy' with our questions. Terry answered a handful of questions from the host and gave a short reading and then it was open floor time. A roving microphone gave anyone who wished a chance to ask whatever came to mind. Questions hopped from the origin of Death as a character, the making of Mort as a film (too morbid, not fun enough for Hollywood), the use of a computer for writing, research background and influences and so on.

I don't think I'm giving away too many professional secrets when I reveal the following facts.

1) Terry thinks his fans are impossible to organise and voted, infuriatingly, for far too many of his books, making him as popular by quantity as Dickens, but not as high up the Big Read chart as he'd have liked.

2) He's currently writing another book but he's hoping to cut down to a single book a year.

3) He thinks the idea of making the planet a disc, onna turtle was probably a mistake.

4) He has no plans at all to knowingly write the last Discworld novel.

The show is scheduled to be 27 minutes long and so serious editing is going to have to take place as we recorded over an hour of material with only one question having to be repeated for sound quality's sake. Terry answered everything thrown at him with customary good grace and even hung around for a further hour signing books.

The programme will be transmitted on Sunday July 4th at 4.00 in the afternoon and repeated on Thursday 8th July at 4.00 on Radio 4.

8. Review: Clarecraft - Miniature Librarian DWD01.

by Jason Anthony

At the recent Wincanton event I bumped into Sally from Clarecraft who gave me one of their new Librarian pieces (DWD01) to review. The piece was originally designed as part of Clarecraft's chess set by the late, great, Lee Pamment (a name that collectors will know and respect). The piece is available in full colour or a slightly cheaper bronze version.

The piece features the Librarian holding on to a number of books and wearing his green dressing gown as mentioned in the following quote from Lords and Ladies

"He's got no clothes on!" "I could get him to have a bath, if you like," said Ponder, slightly hysterically. "He always puts on an old green dressing gown when he's had a bath."

The attention to detail on this piece is amazing: you can almost see the individual pages in the books and the Librarian's expression is adorable. The paint finish looks amazing; you can almost feel the dirt on the dressing gown. Apparently this piece takes as long to paint as many of Clarecraft's full size pieces.

While I was at the Wincanton event I took the opportunity to see what other fans thought of the piece and was met with unanimous approval. Strangely many of the ladies I asked thought the piece as cute!

I personally think this is a wonderful piece and excellent value for money: the colour version is only 15 GBP and the bronze version 10 GBP. This brings Clarecraft pieces into a price range where you could start getting other members of the family into collecting. Well done Clarecraft. For details of all their products please visit the Clarecraft web site at

9. The End

* Contact Information *

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* Latest Book Information *

Discworld paperback: Night Watch 0552148997/87

Discworld hardback: Monstrous Regiment 0385603401/87

New Discworld Young Adult: A Hat Full of Sky 0385607369/87

Current Discworld Young Adult: The Wee Free Men 0385605331/87

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* Disc Trivia Results *

I expect that your ears develop protective rough surfaces after a while.
Teppic, Pyramids

Have you ever bitten a red-hot ice cube?
Death, Mort

Is the high priest an Offlian? Does a dragon explode in the woods?
Carrot, Men at Arms

I'll tell you, the day someone pulls the plug out of the bottom of the universe, the chain will lead all the way to Ankh-Morpork and some bugger saying, "I just wanted to see what would happen."
Lu-Tze, Thief of Time

I wonder, could you stop trying to twist my head off?
Windle Poons, Reaper Man

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