Better Than

Discworld Monthly Issue 211 November 2014

Table of Contents:

1. Editorial
2. News
3. Readers' Letters
4. DiscTrivia
5. Review: Mrs Bradshaw's Handbook.
6. Competition: Discworld Convention Folio
7. Casting: A Coronation of Kings ...
8. The End

1. Editorial

Welcome to issue 211 and the start of Winter as it appears to be here in the UK, hard to think that on Halloween my girlfriend and I were in the middle of London wearing t-shirts then a few short days later it's all cold and dark. We are both looking forward to going to Hogswatch in Wincanton at the end of the month.

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Minutes before sending out this issue I was on the phone to Rob Wilkins (Terry's business manager and best friend) and we discussed a number of topics some of which I have been sworn to secrecy on but are really exciting and others which I am allowed to tell you about which are also exciting.

The first thing I can talk about is Tiffany 5: The Shepard's Crown. The novel has been sent to the editors and has been mucked about with and returned to Terry. So next week Rob is going to polish up is Nac Mac Feegle accents and they will do the big read through. This is a major step in any novel and means that The Shepard's Crown is well on its way to being published in 2015.

I am also allowed to say that the upcoming radio production of Good Omens produced by Dirk Maggs (best know for Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy) is progressing nicely with Dirk working his magic mixing together what should be an amazing production. Terry and Neil Gaiman both get roles in the production. Rob says "its going to be amazing".

We also spoke about Narrativia and this is where I have to be quiet.... otherwise people with very sharp suits and very thin watches get involved... I can assure you things are most definitely moving in the right direction. Believe me that the guys at Narrativia are as frustrated at not being able to say things as we are at not getting the news. But it turns out this is the nature of the TV / cinema business.

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Rachel Rowlands, who many of you will remember from the Discworld Monthly facebook group, has been busy working away as the curator of an archive of Discworld merchandise both current and past. The Discworld Collectors' Guild Archive is a fascinating collection of photos of much of what can be collected in Discworld. At the time of updating this the archive had 386 likes - Rachel would like to see if she can get to 500 likes by Hogswatch. For more information visit the page at:

If after browsing the archive you realise you have items not listed then Rachel will be happy to review photos of your items and to add them, if appropriate, to the archive.

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Last month I asked if you would be willing to help my friend, and fellow Discworld fan, Adele Kirby, with her Kickstarter campaign for an audio fitness training system called Apocalypse Survival Training: an audio fitness adventure app. Due to the massive generosity of all the backers Adele not only hit her original target but smashed it by getting half again. Well done Adele and well done and thank you for everyone that assisted.

For more information visit:

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After spending a couple of weeks ill this and last month I've not really felt up to reading A Slip of the Keyboard which I hoped to review this month. Hopefully I'll write the review next month. In the meantime here are a couple of different reviews to tide you over...

The Northern Echo -

The Independent -

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If you visit a play or a talk and would like to let the world know about it, please feel free to email your review to and we will consider it for publication.

Also if you have written an article that you think we might want to include in the newsletter please feel free to email me at the address below. We will of course give credit for anything we use.

Jason Anthony (Editor)
William Barnett (Deputy Editor / Proof Reader)
Richard Massey (Saga Member)

2. News

The Lego Discworld project has just over 8,000 supporters but needs to reach 10,000 to be considered for release. In order to help make this happen please visit and pledge your support.

It's gone up almost 1,000 supports since last month so let's give it that push to see how far we can go... after all who doesn't want a Lego Great A'Tuin in their life?

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Colin Morgan, who people in the UK will know as Merlin, was recently interviewed by Radio Times about his role as Newt in the BBC's upcoming Radio 4 adaptation of Good Omens. Due to be broadcast on consecutive nights over the Christmas period it looks like it might be a lot of fun.

The link in the article to the Radio Times original appears to be incorrect but at the time of writing the following was working:

It should be noted that this is in addition to, rather than instead of, the TV adaptation of Good Omens due next year.

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The first update to the Discworld App for iPad is out now, featuring four new locations, new images and information to explore - including the Administrative Office of the AM&SPH Railway for information on the new steam-powered train service to and from Ankh-Morpork.

It doesn't look like this will ever come to Android (currently the world's most popular tablet operation system). What a shame.

If you have an iPad and haven't downloaded the app yet you can purchase it for 9.99GBP from iTunes -

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Celebrated English folk-rock band Steeleye Span are re-releasing Wintersmith (Park Records) as a deluxe 2 CD package complete with four brand new songs, 8 live tracks and 2 demos.

Wintersmith Deluxe Edition features special guest appearances from Northumbrian piper Kathryn Tickell, Bellowhead's John Spiers and Pratchett himself providing spoken word.

US Version - 2 CD.

US Version - Digital Download

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Discworld Dates...

This section will contain events that you need to keep in your diary. Entries will remain until they go out of date. New entries will include the word [New] next to them. If this section gets too large we will start pruning entries.

From issue 190 onwards recurring monthly meetings have been moved to their own area at the bottom of the dates section.

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[UK] Monstrous Productions Theatre Company will be performing Wyrd Sisters from the 5th - 8th November, following their sell-out production of Mort. The performance will be at the Gate Theatre, Cardiff and all proceeds will go to Alzheimer's Research UK. Monstrous Productions are proud to have raised over 5,000GBP with their productions so far. They are also pleased to reveal that they have secured a UK premier of a new Discworld production, coming to Cardiff in April 2015. The title will be revealed on October 1st on their facebook page

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[UK] Guisborough Theatre Group will be performing "Carpe Jugulum" as the follow up to the very successful "Wyrd Sisters" they performed Nov 2013

Performances:- Thursday 6th, Friday 7th, Saturday 8th November 2014

Details are on so keep watching for further details or contact or Tel. 07843 429129

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[AU] Wyrd Sisters will run from 8 November to 13 December at the Brisbane Arts Centre.

PERFORMANCE TIMES: 8pm Thursdays, Fridays & Saturdays and 6.30pm Sundays

TICKET PRICES: Adults 31AUD, Concession 25AUD, Group 10+ 25AUD, Group 75+ 20AUD, Gold Members 15AUD, Members 25AUD, Student Rush 10AUD (10 mins before curtain)

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[UK] East Essex Players take a stroll through the Discworld with their production of Wyrd Sisters. Wyrd Sisters will be performed in the Dixon Studio at the Palace theatre in Southend on the 12th - 15th November 2014. Tickets can be booked online at or by calling the box office on 01702 351135.

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[UK] Stage-Door Theatre Company will be presenting Wyrd Sisters from Wednesday 10th to Saturday 14th December 2014 at The Windmill Theatre, Littlehampton.

Evening performances start at 7:30pm. Matinee performances at 2:30pm.

Tickets cost 11GBP (Concessions 10GBP)

Call the box office on 01903 856801

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[AU] Roll out the red carpet, bang those grains, and watch out for stars in your eyes...

NULLUS ANXIETAS V - The Australian Discworld Convention is coming up in a few mere months, and we are taking you to the Moving Pictures!

On April 10-12, 2015 in beautiful Parramatta, Sydney, NSW, Australia, you will experience the magic of the clickies with a range of delightful activities for all types of Discworld fans.

* Meet the stars of the silver screen at the Gala Dinner!

* Show off your costuming and/or acting skills in the "I Wanna Be A Star" Maskerade and XXXX Factor!

* Participate in Studio activities to ensure you make the best clickies possible!

* Test your knowledge of Discworld and Movies and their influence on each other in our Quiz!

* Support the Aboriginal Literacy Foundation at the Charity Auction!

* Be crafty with chain maille, knitting, card-making and more!

* Can you sing? Dance? Handle a sword a little? Learn all these skills and more at our workshops!

* And much more to be announced!

Tickets to the convention (and the Gala Dinner) are on sale now!

One lucky person in the first 100 will get their ticket cost reimbursed, so buy now and you

could be as lucky as an Oswald winner!

For information on all of the above in a lot more detail, head over to our website at

Like us on facebook at or follow us on Twitter @NullusAnxietasV

With One Thousand Elephants!

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[NL, Updated] Cabbagecon 3 proudly presents: the Assassins' Guild orientation weekend.

Ever wanted to be a member of one of the most prestigious guilds in Ankh Morpork? Now is your chance! The famous Assassins' Guild has announced that their orientation weekend in 2015 will be held at Cabbagecon 3, the Dutch Discworld convention. Representatives of four of the Guild Houses will be present at the convention to see if the convention members have the skills and dress sense necessary to make it as an Assassin.

Our guest of honour is translator Venugopalan Ittekot, who will give an exclusive presentation about a very special project.

Cabbagecon 3 will be held at hotel Val Monte in Berg en Dal (near Nijmegen) in the weekend of 27 and 28 June 2015. More information can be found at

Team Cabbagecon 3

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[DE, Updated] With a 1000 camels the German Discworld Convention moves to the mysterious continent of Klatch! Make room in your schedule from September 10th to 13th in 2015 for the fourth German Discworld Convention at Castle Ludwigstein. Be there when it's getting hot!

Registration has started on our homepage and there is a bonus for early bookers who finish their ticket order by December 31st 2014!

Join the facebook page to receive further updates:

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[IRL] The Irish Discworld Convention 2015 will take place in Cork, Ireland at the Cork International Airport Hotel from the 2nd to the 5th of October 2015. Join us as a Special Constable for the Watch Open Weekend.

Visit or see the facebook group at:

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[UK, New] In the October half term of 2015 Uppingham Theatre Company will be putting on an amateur production of Terry Pratchett's Wyrd Sisters. Audition and read through dates to follow.

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Recurring monthly meetings:

[UK] The Broken Drummers meet at The Monkey Puzzle, Paddington, London, W2 1JQ, England at 7pm. For more information contact Helen Nicholls on

Unless otherwise stated the Drummers meet on the first Monday of each month.

The Drummers are always happy to welcome new visitors. You can find out more about the Drummers at

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[Perth, AU] The Perth Drummers have changed their name. They are now known as the Treacle Mining Corporation in honour of their beloved state. They still meet up to celebrate the works of author Sir Terry Pratchett, and welcome any fans of science fiction and fantasy.

Join them for their monthly discussion of Discworld, Terry Pratchett and all things sci-fi and fantasy. They meet the first Monday of each month, subject to holidays, and all are welcome.

The group meets up at Carpe Cafe, 526 Murray Street, Perth, WA. Meeting at a cafe means they are under-18 friendly!

For details follow them on Twitter @Perth_Drummers, Instagram perth_drummers, and facebook

Otherwise message Alexandra Ware directly at

Unless otherwise stated the group meets up on the first Monday of each month.

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[AU] Sydney Drummers normally meet on the first Monday of every month.

We meet at the NEW venue, 3 Wise Monkeys, 555 George Street, Sydney, 2000 from 6:30pm

For more information contact Sue (AKA Granny Weatherwax) on

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[UK] On the first Friday of every month there will be a meeting of WOTS - Omnian Temperance Society - Wincanton branch - to be held at The Bear Inn from 7pm. New members or visitors from other places always welcome.

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[Adelaide, AU] The City of Small Gods is a group for fans in Adelaide and South Australia. We have regular monthly dinner and games nights, longer games days, plus play outings, craft-y workshops, and fun social activities throughout the year. For more info and to join our mailing list, visit:

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[Brisbane, AU] The Pratchett Partisans meet monthly at either Brisbane or Indooroopilly to eat, drink and chat about all things Pratchett. For more info about their next meetup, check out: or

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* Small Ads *

Please note, DWM has no way of checking the veracity or validity of any of the items in our small ads section. As always, exercise caution when giving out your details over the Internet. We *strongly* recommend parental supervision for younger readers who follow up any of these contacts.

TerryPratchett Collectionforsale writes: Due to a recent relocation I will now be selling off my entire collection of Terry Pratchett items. These were all purchased between 1994 & 2004 & include Clarecraft pieces, Bernard's buildings, books and many other items. Please email me for a complete list of all that will be placed on ebay in the coming weeks.

3. Readers' Letters

If you have any letters or comments, please email them to

We assume any correspondence is eligible for use in the newsletter unless otherwise stated, including the sender's email address. We may edit your letters while trying to frame Discworld jigsaws...

It is vitally important that you don't pass off other people's work as your own. If you use information from other resources please let us know so we can give proper credit.

* * * * *

* From: "George Kimmel"

Did anyone report to you that in Kyary Pamyu Pamyu's new hit song/video Kira Kira in Japan, Kyary is seen in one scene standing on top of Discworld on top of the elephants on top of A'Tuin?

DWM replies: Nope - we wonder whether it's Terry's Discworld and not a generic one, although the Wiki article about the single explicitly references 'Discworld a surreal literary fantasy universe...'

* * * * *

* From: "Peter Williams"

I see TP plays, discussion and social groups in capital cities around Australia. Are there any things happening in Melbourne?

DWM replies: How many capital cities does Australia need, anyway?

* * * * *

* From: "Pieter Arentz"

Hi! I like to listen to the Discworld audiobooks on my daily trips to and from work. Unfortunately, for reasons unknown, Isis Publishing refuses to ship Wintersmith (read by Stephen Briggs) to most of the European countries. I am hoping there is anyone reading this and living in the UK, who could help me with ordering the only missing audiobook in my Discworld collection on my behalf? Thank you. --Pieter Arentz, The Netherlands

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* From: "Tony Valster"

Knowing how hard it is to get figurines of Discworld characters I thought you might be interested in the attached photo. It's a figurine of "summoning the reaper' based on the painting by Anne Stokes, it stands about 400mm high and all I did was put a little paint on Death's eyes and the girl's hair and now I have Susan and her grandfather.


DWM replies: That's an ingenious way to get what you want, Tony.

* * * * *

* From: "Roger Spivey"

ANGST-LESSPORK - Seen at model railway show on Isle of Wight in 009 scale

Angst-Lesspork draws its inspiration from Discworld. The scene is urban with a tidal river, timber-framed buildings including the Alchemists Guildhall, with stuffed Alligator, one of the many Watch houses, Mad Lord Snapcase's cruet set and a post office with working Clacks tower. The layout featured in Jan 2013 Railway Modeller and was best in show at 2012 Pendel Model Railway Society show.

So look out for if at Model Rail Shows

Now that Mrs Bradshaw's Handbook has been published, will we see more?

4. DiscTrivia

This month I've once again opened Turtle Recall at random pages and found a question from each page visited. I've attempted, wherever possible, to include which book the answer belongs to. Hopefully some of the questions are easy and some are quite hard. Well at least I think they are...

What is Dijabringabeeralong? (TLC)
What colour are male hamadryads? (TCOM)
Who is Pasha of Re'Durat? (TCOM)
Who is the Troglodyte Wanderer? (WS)
Approximately how old is Urgleflloggah? (E)

The (hopefully correct) answers can be found at the end of this issue.

5. Review: Mrs Bradshaw's Handbook.

Review by Rachel Rowlands

My life has me travelling up and down the Swansea to Paddington line a lot recently so reading it whilst travelling seemed the best place to learn about Mrs Bradshaw and her travels along the Disc's own lines.

Firstly, this isn't a book that's going to take hours to read, it's more of a dip in when you feel the need. There are sections about the various lines in existence, although I do suggest you read Chapter One first "The Railway Station and The Practicalities of Travel." as her advice applies almost as much to Roundworld travel as to travelling on the Disc.

The way Mrs Bradshaw describes the little stops and the ambience of the areas surrounding them is as informative as you will find in the Roundworld equivalent of Bradshaw. She gives details on all the accommodation and restaurants that are worth stopping at, along with lots of humorous little observations on the places she visits.

The illustrations are gloriously resplendent as are the little advertisements that appear in its pages. You will recognise a huge amount of the places she visits, not only from the wondrous tales from the Disc, but from their Roundworld counterparts also. [1] The little notes pinned into the pages with recipes are a delight to read, it really makes you feel that you were there alongside her as she travelled the various lines.

The writing team [2] did a really good job of putting together this little insight into the railway lines of the Discworld and it's well worth getting [3].

[1] my favourite being Hay on Ankh .. [2] Sir TP and The Emporium posse, not a real life Mrs Bradshaw in sight ... [3] Don't bother with the collector's edition from WH Smith.. the plain yellow cover being as boring as plain toast, the original cover feeling like it's a proper handbook that's been well travelled and used ..much more a Discworld artefact than the WH Smith offering. I got mine from The Discworld Emporium who also gave a free Railway Share which will look resplendent on my wall when I get around to framing it.

You can purchase Mrs Bradshaw's Handbook from:

The Discworld Emporium - with free Railway Share

Amazon UK

It appears that the US international edition is not due out until 25 November... just in time for Hogswatch...

6. Competition: Discworld Convention Folio

The wonderful people at PSJM Prints have arranged for us to give away one of the exclusive folio's given to each member of the Discworld Convention in Manchester. Numbers were strictly controlled so to be able to offer one to people outside the Convention is a big deal. The folio is a small green book measuring approximately 13cm by 18cm and features a gold leaf portrait silhouette of Terry on the cover. The contents of the book includes two deleted scenes from Raising Steam a short heart felt note from the man that knows Terry best his business partner and best mate Rob Wilkins and finally a short piece by Terry entitled A Little Advice for Life which suggest we grab life by the horns and enjoy it. It really is a very lovely little volume.

PJSM asked me to remind you that they are still the only place to get exclusively embossed books. This extract from their website explains why:

"After much discussion and deliberation with Terry we have decided that from now on all new titles will be exclusively embossed with his signature plate rather than hand signed. He would like to make it clear that this has absolutely nothing to do with the progression of his Embuggerance, but after more than forty years of signing he feels that his hand really could do with a bit of a rest. And so even though we still have a large stock of signed books and prints, we now think it unfair to ask Terry to work his way through the inevitable mountain of orders that land around publication time. The signature embossing is pressed directly onto the page and is further enhanced with a golden Pratchett Coat of Arms.

Thank you for your understanding, but we first and foremost have to think of Terry while still being able to offer something exclusive to our Discworld collectors worldwide.

UPDATE! Thank you for all your feedback, but Terry would like to point out that he really is very much okay and has just finished one book and has already started another. He's still writing every day!"

For your chance to win this exclusive copy of the Convention Folio send your answers to the following questions along with your postal address to by 24th November 2014. Your address will only be used if you are one of the winners and only for sending out your prize - once prizes are sent out all addresses will be destroyed. That's to say, we won't keep a record of your address, not that we'll have your house bombed or anything. Entries received after the closing date or sent to any other address will be ignored. No more than one entry per person will be accepted. Answers to the questions must not be posted to any websites before the competition ends. The judges' decision is final.

1. How much does the new The Hogfather enamel badge cost in GBP and excluding postage and packaging?

2. When is the last order date for the UK to guarantee delivery by Hogswatch (Christmas)?

We would like to thank the lovely Sandra at PJSM Prints for providing the prize. Head over to PJSM Prints and order your Hogswatch gifts now!

7. Casting: A Coronation of Kings ...

.... And Queens, Lords, Dragonlords and ladies (not that kind, we have the word DRAGON there see, we're safe and don't need our Jason to get lumps of iron out of t'Smithy!), *that* kind of nobility what you does need iron for, Emperors, men and women what don't wear much clothes unless you count eyepatches and loincloths and so on.

As you saw in the last issue of DWM, I've been having some technomagical issues, that and some personal business *AND* there seem to be quite a bit of nobs and nobility led to this being quite a hefty article and needing a LOT of research and sorting out. Not least - how to categorise them.

I've decided to do it by AREA, namely country or principal city from which these persons come (there are a few floating ones!). I'm also only casting for those who would actually have to be portrayed as opposed to mentioned in passing, should the book(s) they are mentioned in be made into tv adaptations/movies. Though I will if anyone emails me at, since I've done all the hard work, send you a list of the 'mentions' if you want it for a collection. Please state if you can open Word docs and which version so I can use some tricks from the technowizards and convert it for you or send in email body, or as a notepad or pdf, or whatever!! I will do the votes at the end of each section.

So *purposefully rolls up sleeves* let's get on with it shall we?!

I'll start with the Uberwald. Now there are the Vampyrs who of course live above ground and the Low Kings, who being dwarves, mostly live underground (not to be confused with Wombles who are somewhat more grey, furry and come from Wimbledon Common!). The notables here are Albrecht Albrectson, Mr Ironfoundersson (Captain Carrot's adoptive Dad of course), Rhys Rhysson (very imaginative these dwarves aren't they, naming wise I mean!!). They all are (for Rhysson) or were Low Kings. I don't know if there were any Low QUEENS... and unless they chose to tie ribbons in their beards, how would you tell? The women are just as fearsome warriors and as tough as the blokes. Must be some Oggy blood in there somewhere!

Above ground in Uberwald we have the de Magpyr - namely the Count von, Lacrimosa his wife, Bela - another count, and Vlad. Also Lady Margoletta the leader of the Temperance movement (she doesn't go around taking blood samples from HUMANS that is, nice woman!), and the Winkings... ok, ok, the Notfaroutoes - Count Arthur and Countess Doreen. I mean do they *sound* like vampires?! No, cos they ain't. They only inherited the titles. They aren't real vampires!

Dwarves are by nature um.... Trying not to be species-ist here, 'vertically challenged' so makes sense that talented actors with dwarfism take the parts. I'd like Warwick Davis for a very special part later, but that person is quite unique and needs someone like Mr Davis to play him. The Vampires (sorry, vampyres) are normally tall, slender and well... noble looking, almost arrogant at times, tho not the Winki... erm Notfaroutoes! They are more 'normal' people and I sort of imagine them - to point at another fictional couple - as rather like the Weasleys, but with a bit of a 'put upon' sort of air to them.

Count de Magpyr is described as 'looking like a gentleman of independent means and an enquiring mind, the sort of man who goes for long walks in the morning and spends the afternoons improving his mind in his own private library or doing small interesting experiments on parsnips and never, ever worrying about money.' He is quite forward thinking and 'modern' in that he can shake off old traditions that sunlight, garlic, silver and religious artefacts have any effect on vampyres!

Lacrimosa, the count's daughter strikes me as a wannabe emo type - white dress, overly long jet black hair, too much eye makeup, wraith thin.... She says 'goth'. I know goths and other than the similarity in clothing and eye makeup, that's where the similarity ends! She's a chronic complainer too, yip definitely an emo!

[Any emos who may be reading are invited to rebut Nanny Oggy's assertion that they're complainers! - Ed]

Bela, the old count and uncle of the current one, is what you'd think of as your 'traditional' vampire... red lined cloak, grey hair, .... Other than the fact that he's tall and thin, I envision 'Grandpa' out of "The Munsters" here.

Finally Vlad, the son, is a New Romantic, and very attractive, barely 200 years old (that's like a later teen to the vampyres) so have to be VERY good looking actor to play him.

So... voting for UBERWALD nobility:

Dwarves - unless you lovely readers want to suggest any *particular* actor, I will simply put here 'the usual suspects'!!

Count de Magpyr -

Christopher Walken (in a bit of a Sleepy Hollow ish type role)

Richard E. Grant

Or Hugh Laurie

Lacrimosa - (I know last time you saw these girls their hair wasn't black but wigs and dye are our friends!!)

Natalie Dormer (The Tudors)

Emilia Clarke (Daenarys from GoT)

Sophie Turner (Sansa Stark from GoT)

Count Bela -

If he hadn't already played the Patrician I would say Charles Dance and the late Jim Henson would have worked too...but:

John Malkovich

Nicholas Cage

Or Steve Buscemi

Vlad - (remember hair can be dyed black!)

Tom Hiddleston

Chris Hemsworth

Daniel Radcliffe

Margoletta -

Naomi Watts (King Kong)

Melora Hardin (The Hot Chick)

Sela Ward (The Fugitive)

(Doreen) Countess Notfaroutoe -

Julie Walters

Victoria Wood

Celia Imrie

(Arthur) Count Notfaroutoe -

Michael Gambon (Harry Potter)

David Thewlis (Harry Potter)

Mark Williams (Harry Potter)

Remember for any of these you can add your own choice, so there are FOUR votes for each (as in the 3 listed plus any that you think of yourself!)

Moving on to LANCRE there are a fair few deceased kings... they don't seem to last very long other than our Magrat's hubby Verence (the second). Well anyhow here's a list of the ones that should be mentioned!

Amonita, Queen of Lancre for about 3 hours. If they did a 'retelling' of the famous Lancre legend about her then they'd need an actress for the cut scene. Basically she was a ninny and in a game of hide and seek she hid in a big heavy chest in the attic and wasn't found for seven months. I still say she won the game though!

The Felmets, Lord Leonal and his wife are or were nasty pieces of work... bumped off the first King Verence who was a very nice king as I recall. Leonal murdered on the orders of his massive, both in girth and stature, wife, he himself was fascinated by power and was an insect of a man, both in looks and demeanour. He fell to his death in the River Lancre, she was (probably) eaten by wild animals in the forest around Lancre.

Verence I, King of Lancre. As I said a nice man, and for a while a nice ghost too. Was only 40 when he died, totally in the prime of his life. Murdered by his cousin the aforementioned Felmet. Managed to manipulate solid objects even as a ghost due to his very strong, well-muscled physique prior to um... 'being deaded'.

Verence II is of course our Magrat's husband. He doesn't look very kingly, however hard Magrat tries, at least for official functions, but he's very amiable. He does his duty well, and is much liked by the people of Lancre, despite his complexion and harassed expression, runny eyes, sticky out ears and clothing that never seems to fit right. Still he's one of us and we care about him! He's a good Dad to Esmerelda (note spelling). I'm not including Magrat cuz she's still a witch to us and young Esme is just little, any random bairn could play her, special as she is.

So voting -

Amonita -

Mila Kunis (The Black Swan)

Sienna Millar (Stardust)

Elizabeth Banks (The Hunger Games)

Lady Felmet - While I would love someone like Queen Latifah to do it (and she could) I can't see her doing such a horrible part cuz she's lovely!! I know there is the option of *shudder* fat suits, but there are so many talented larger actresses out there, so why not used them!!

Nicky Blonsky (Tracy, Hairspray)

Kathy Bates (I don't think Kathy needs *any* introduction, and I know she could do the 'hen-pecking' of her weedy husband!)

Margo Martindale (Million Dollar Baby, The Hours)

Lord Felmet -

Woody Allen

Ben Stiller (in 'Zoolander' mode)

Rhys Ifans (though fancy him as Mr Rincewind!)

Verence I - Remember he's 40 ish, and bearded (tho facial hair can be grown for a part), muscle-y. Had he been older I would have thought of Mr Blessed but he's imposing but not athletic. More suited to arch-chancellorship recently!

Gerard Butler (PS I Love You) *swoooooon* definitely has the muscles/physique and the right age *Nanny fans herself with the print out of last month's DWM*

Hugh Jackman (is it me, or is it getting hot in here?!)

Daniel Craig (ok now we are getting the fans out and the iced drinks) and to bring you back to earth with a bump.. remember half the time he'll be a ghost, in kingly robes or armour so put that nice fantasy of Mr Craig in his very tight swimming trunks away for another day huh?! *giggles*

Verence II - Looking for suitable actors of a certain age, that could do the funny turns (remember our Verence used to be the court jester before he discovered he was king!) and who have ears like the FA Cup in England!

Jim Carrey (Liar, Liar , Bruce Almighty)

Martin Clunes (Men Behaving Badly, Doc Martin)

Christopher Eccleston (Doctor Who #9)

And now we'll pop over to Djelibeybi.

Most of the notables are related to Teppic XXVIII (they seem to like the same names over there a lot!). First up is Teppic's Mam, namely Artela who died in a swimming accident (insofar as a crocodile was involved). Far-re-path was his granny, Ptraci his sister and successor, and Teppicymon XXVII was his Dad. Now I've always imagined this lot as a Discworld equivalent to the Roundworld's Ancient Egyptians, so here goes with the actors...

Pteppic himself -

Rami Malek (Night at the Museum)

Karim Abdel Aziz (Escaping Tel Aviv)

Brenton Thwaites (Gods of Egypt)

Teppicymon XXVII -

Hussein Fahmy (look him up on

Adel Imam (look him up on

Omid Djalili (Slave Trader in Gladiator)

Ptraci -

Mona Hela (Cairo Time)

Salma Hayek

Menna Shalabi (After The Battle)

Far-re-path -

Mariam Fakr Eddine (look her up)

Shadia (ditto)

Someone else!

Artela -

Sumya Al Khashab (also a singer)

Wafaa Amer (Woman and Five Men)

Hanan Turk (Kiss Me Not On The Eyes)

Next big one is the city of Ankh-Morpork. There are a lot of nobles living there. Of course there hasn't been a King or Queen there since the ancestor of Mr Vimes lopped the last one's head off and there's Lord Vetinari (he'll get his own article he's that important) being a Patrician now. So, we have Lord Downey, the master of the Assassins Guild, Lady T'malia a teacher there too, Bobbi .. oh alright, Lady Roberta Meserole (don't want her nephew on my back now do I?! Yes I am talking about Lord Vetinari there!) Lady Sybil Vimes nee Ramkin, the Selachii and Venturii Families, Lord Henry Skips (army bod who led the army against the Trolls at the Battle of Pseudopolis), and of course Sam Vimes is a 'Sir' now and Lord Vetinari, both of whom get their own articles.

Lord Downey is a nice looking gentleman, just don't let him offer you any peppermints. He is after all an assassin specialising in poison and that is a favourite, non-conspicuous method. Lady T'malia is another poisoner but one that carries the stuff around in enough jewellery to set off all the scanners in Luton, Heathrow and Gatwick simultaneously! Lady Roberta is a businesswoman and like her nephew takes no nonsense from anyone. Lady Sybil is an imposing lady - you have to be when dealing with dragons! The Selachii and Venturii families I'll only cast for Lord Robert and Lord Albert... if other members of the family are needed they can be cast as minors so long as they look vaguely 'noble'. Again the Venturii family (NOTE these families HATE each other much in a Montague and Capulet sort of way) we have Lord Charles, a nameless lord (though prominent in Men At Arms and Jingo), Madame Venturi (from Maskerade) and Lady Alice.

So casting

Lord Downey -

Lane Smith (New Adventures of Superman)

Ronnie Corbett

Victor Rivers (Mask of Zorro)

Lady T'malia -

Pam Ferris (Darling Buds of May)

Betty White

Jodie Foster

Lady Roberta -

Dame Judi Dench

Gwyneth Paltrow

Demi Moore

Lord Robert and Lord Albert Selachii (since they are in different books and related they could be played by the same actor so I'm casting together)-

David Tennant

Anthony Hopkins

Leonardo Dicaprio

Lord Charles and 'Lord' Venturii (again casting together)

Al Pacino

Robert de Niro

Tom Hanks

Lady Alice and Madame Venturii

Monica Belucci

Catherine Zeta-Jones

Michelle Pfeiffer

Lord Henry Skips -

John Hurt

Jeff Bridges

Michael Caine

Lady Sybil Ramkin Vimes -

Anna Chancellor (Four Weddings and a Funeral)

Meryl Streep (The Devil Wears Prada)

Dame Helen Mirren (in her 'Red' mode)

The next lot are Kings and Queens or leaders, but there are only one or 2 of each so will lump them in together in this section. There's Ghengiz and Corina Cohen, the Barbarian leader and his daughter, The King and Queen of the Elves (don't worry m'dears I have me iron undercrackers on!), Greicha the First, Leissa Wyrmbidder, and Lio!rt of the Dragon people in Wyrmberg. Princess (later Queen) Keli(rehenna) of Sto Lat and her murdering (had it not been for Mr Rincewind) very appropriately named father, Olerve the Bastard. One Sun Mirror the Emperor of the Agatean Empire. Baron Saturday and his daughter Ella from Genua. The Duke of Sto Helit (I'm not including Ysabell, Mort or Susan here as they will be covered in a future article about 'Death's Domain').

Genghiz needs to be old and gangly, his daughter might grace the halls of the Playboy Mansion! Those 2 we don't speak of unless suitably kitted out with ferrous metals are undoubtedly beautiful, tall and slim (everything I'm not, though I've been told by someone in the next section that I'm a most striking woman... I'll give you striking, with me rolling pin if you're not proper to me!). The Dragon people are athletic... they have to be to haul around those great big flying flamin' lizards! Princess Keli - I'll have to cast carefully for as when we first encounter her she's a thin to the point of being overly skinny, 15-year-old red headed princess but years later she's a queen and will have filled out a bit. Her father, well, somehow I feel 'sleazy' is the way to go! One Sun Mirror has to look oriental as he is, and the Saturdays I feel would be people of colour (and thankfully there is a wealth of these with awesome talent!). So to voting...

Ghengiz Cohen -

Clint Eastwood

Geoffrey Rush (Pirates of the Caribbean)

Hugh Grant

Corinna -

Jennifer Lawrence (The Hunger Games)

Meagan Tandy (Unstoppable)

Keira Knightley (Pirates of the Caribbean)

Griecha -

Robert Englund (Freddy vs Jason)

Colin Firth (Pride and Prejudice)

Jason Statham (The Transporter)

Leissa -

Megan Fox (Transformers)

Rosie Huntingdon-Whitely (Transformers: Dark of the Moon)

Alexia Fast (Jack Reacher)

Lio!rt -

Shia LaBeouf (Transformers)

Kevin Spacey (American Beauty)

Ryan Reynolds (Green Lantern)

Keli -

Lyndsey Lohan

Anne Hathaway

Lucy Hale (Scream 4)

Olerve -

Jack Nicholson

Dustin Hoffman

Nick Nolte

One Sun Mirror -

Jackie Chan

Chow Yun Fat

Masi Oka (Heroes)

Baron Saturday -

Lawrence Fishburne

Will Smith

Samuel L. Jackson

Ella -

Viola Davis (The Help)

Kimberley Elise (Woman, Thou Art Loosed)

Kerry Washington (Django Unchained)

King of the Elves -

Andrew Garfield (Spiderman)

Adrien Brody (The Pianist)

Eddie Redmayne (My Week With Marilyn)

Finally - all the bits and bobs of notables and nobs (ooh, getting all poetic in me old age here!!) A quick run-through here as there aren't too many. Lady Sara Grateful and Princess Jade, schoolmates of Susan Sto Helit at the Quirm Academy for Young Ladies; Lady Myria leJean; Lady Lillith Weather... oh alright I'll be good but she is Esme's sister!, Tempscire; Count Cassanunder; General Sir Roderick Pudleigh; Sir Olaf Quimby II; and Lord Ronald (Ronnie) Rust.

Lady Sara is an 'interchangeable Emma' and a horsey sort of gel, so this could be played by any girl of the right age and build. I've included Princess Jade purely for voice talent as since she's a troll she'll probably be done via CGI, other girls will be cast much as they did for the likes of Harry Potter, girls at acting schools around the country... extras. Lady Myria leJean is or was an Auditor of Reality, in human form she is beautiful with black hair. She never wanted to go back to non-human form... especially after discovering chocolate! Lillith is Esme's sister, she styles herself as Lady de Tempscire and did run Genua for a time. She's older than Esme if you can credit that (everyone seems to think that Esme is ancient for some reason! Mind she's sprightly for her age!) so should look a bit like her I reckon. I've not met her that often! The dear Count Cassanunder had a bit of a thing for me. Lovely little erm... ok, diminutive man, and the 2nd greatest lover (he even has business cards to prove it!) on the Disc! Naturally if anyone is going to portray him accurately he has to be a dwarf and a bit flirty! Sir Roderick just has to be General-ish and Army-like, Sir Olaf was a Patrician of Ankh-Morpork once upon a long time ago and Ronnie Rust is a nobleman of Ankh. Although the Rusts are known for pig-headed military incompetence, Ronnie did manage to run the Watch for a little while.

OK final bit of casting!

Lady Sara -

Ellen Page (Whip It!)

Emma Watson (Harry Potter)

AnnaSophia Robb (Road to Terabithia)

Princess Jade (Voice Talent) -

Lily Collins (City of Bones)

Imogen Poots (Need for Speed)

Abigail Breslin (Little Miss Sunshine)

Lady Myria -

Rachel Weisz

Elizabeth Hurley

Famke Jansen (X-Men)

Lillith -

Catherine Keener (40 Year Old Virgin)

Emma Thompson

Glenn Close

Cassanunder -

Jordan Prentice (American Pie: The Naked Mile)

Peter Dinklage (Game of Thrones)

Warwick Davis (MY personal favourite)!

If you email me I can send you a voting form with all the votes on so you don't have to wade through this and try to copy and paste!!

All the Best, Nanny and Greebo xx

8. The End

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