Better Than

Discworld Monthly - Issue 68: December 2002

Table of Contents:

1. Editorial
2. News
3. Readers' Letters
4. Disc Trivia
5. Review: The Last Hero - Review in Song
6. Review: Night Watch - Audio Book
7. Article: German Book Title Translations
8. The End

1. Editorial

Welcome to issue 68. In early December I will be one of the many Discworld fans invading Wincanton in Somerset for the town twinning of Wincanton and Ankh-Morpork, in what promises to be a fun couple of days. Bernard "The Cunning Artificer" Pearson has arranged many activities and forms of entertainment in a charity event that will raise money for a local hostel. Guests will include Terry Pratchett, Stephen Briggs and Paul Kidby. The event will also give you a last chance to purchase those all important Hogswatch presents.

PS If you happen to see me there mine's a cider.

Another year is almost over. We hope you have a wonderful Hogswatch and we will see you again in the new year.

Jason Anthony (Editor)
William Barnett (Deputy Editor)
Richard Massey (Translation Expert)

2. News

Strathclyde Theatre Group is putting on Mort at the Ramshorn Theatre, Glasgow, 29th Nov - 7th Dec 2002.

Tickets: Mon/Tues 5GBP/2.50GBP, Wed - Sat 8GBP/4GBP Advance Booking: Collins Gallery 0141-548 2558

Suzie Sisoler ( ) writes: I'm an online marketing manager at HarperCollins Publishers and wanted to let you know about Terry Pratchett's latest Discworld novel -- NIGHT WATCH. This book hits stores all across the US in early November.

NIGHT WATCH by Terry Pratchett 0060013117 24.95 USD

For more information, please visit:

BBC Lancashire have just done a Discworld competition on their website where they're giving away 10 copies of Terry's brand new Discworld book.

BBC7 the new British digital radio station that is launching 15 December will include a feature called the 7th Dimension. Apparently 7th Dimension leaves planet earth and enters the world of aliens, daleks, dragons and heroes. It will include: The Foundation Trilogy (Isaac Asimov), Dr Who, Tales Of The Bizarre (Ray Bradbury), Guards, Guards (Terry Pratchett), Pet Semetary (Stephen King), Blake's 7 and horror stories from The Man in Black. The 7th Dimension can be heard Monday to Friday 6-6.30pm and 12-12.30am and Saturday and Sunday 6-7pm and 12-1am. For more information visit

The final act of the Discworld Convention 2002 committee was to raise money for the Prague theatre company, 'The Theatre at Dlouha Street'. A total of 427 tickets were sold in their recent Prize Draw. This raised a total of just over 1,000 GBP. The prizes have already been despatched to the winners and the results of the Draw can be found at

News from Terry's agent Colin Smythe

Recently published: there's a very good book on internet writing by Jane Dorner, called CREATIVE WEB WRITING (London: A & C Black, 0-7136-5854-1) which has a Foreword by Terry.

BCA [Book Club Associates] have just issued the second three volumes in their Unseen Library, MORT, SOURCERY and WYRD SISTERS.

NIGHT WATCH has now been no. 1 in the UK fiction bestsellers list for two weeks, with nearly 31,000 sales recorded in the first week, and over 17,000 sales in the second week.

Anyone wanting to read a rave review of NIGHT WATCH in the Washington Post should go to:

Piotr Siennicki writes: Like you I am a huge Pratchett Fan. And I'm launching a fantasy portal - for all fans of fantasy. Tolkien and Pratchett to start with :-) on the page ( you'll find reviews of the books and stuff, news from the fantasy world, surveys and a fantasy quiz (a multiple choice fantasy test).

Fremont Drama will be performing Mort at Fremont High School, Small Gym, 1279 Sunnyvale-Saratoga Rd., Sunnyvale, CA 94087 on Wednesday Dec. 4th at 7:30 PM, Friday Dec. 6th at 7:30 PM and Saturday Dec. 7th at 2:00 PM. Tickets cost 6 USD. Contact Tim Shannon on (408) 522-2463.

Small Ads....

Please note, DWM has no way of checking the veracity or validity of any of the items in our small ads section. As always, exercise caution when giving out your details over the Internet. We *strongly* recommend parental supervision for younger readers who
follow up any of these contacts.

Raymond Stonkus writes: I'm currently teaching in China, and I'm wondering if any of Pratchett's work has been seen in any bookstores here. It's a long chance, I know, but my collection is 12 time zones away and it will take my family quite a while to send the books to me by surface mail. And yes, some of his humour is accessible to English students. Not a lot, but some. We'll have to wait a while before there's a Chinese translation of _Interesting Times_.

Marie writes: I have just finished "Discworld 2: Missing Presumed...?!" and I am now trying to find the other games. You know, I can laugh at the jokes after 60 times, but the game itself is a bit boring when you know everything, isn't it?

So, do you know a good site where I can purchase them? For PC. Oh, and another thing while I'm at it... Do games from foreign countries work on Swedish computers?

Jo Kleinhans writes: Could you tell me whether there are shops in South Africa selling Discworld figurines?

Andrew Hall writes: Does anyone remember the Radio Five production of Guards Guards in November '92? It featured Melvin Hayes as Nobby and was serialised in 6 weekly episodes. More importantly has anyone got a copy of it? (Is that legal?). I still enjoy listening to it but unfortunately missed the first episode and, ten years later, am finally taking action. Can anybody help?

RM replies: It might be on BBC7 - whatever that is. See news above.

N. Sane writes: Although it pains me deeply *genuine sigh* it's time to sell the following:

Clarecraft Luggage money box purchased at the 1998 con in Liverpool - mint condition but unboxed (no money inside)

Unopened, undrunk and perfectly intact bottle of Imp Pale Ale also purchased at the 1998 DWcon

Send me an offer and we'll go from there. I'm based in Birmingham, UK.

Laurie Gutteridge writes: I am looking for original copies of The Wizards Knob fanzine - I need issue numbers 1,2,3 and 8. I am also after issues 1,2, 7 and any after 9 of Ramtop to Rimfall...

Casey writes: I'd like to email with anyone interesting in discussing Discworld. I started out with The Watch, moved onto Granny Weatherwax and now I'm rereading anything with Archchancellor Ridcully, the Bursar and the Librarian. I'd move to Lancre in a second if I could. I'm a huge Tolkien fan as well. I hope to hear from someone.

Keith Batchelor writes: I have a complete set of Discworld novels for sale, all in excellent condition, all paperback and ready to post. Any offers around 80GBP would be appreciated.

Spencer Howson writes: The following address might be of interest to your readers. It's an interview Terry did in Brisbane yesterday, Monday 18. Several fans ask questions of Terry.

Brett McFarlane writes: I am designing a tattoo to go over my entire back, but need a part of the Discworld to go with it. Unfortunatly I am allergic to any coloured pigments used and can only get black work done. I also have the inate ability to be unable to draw anything other than thick black lines. Can anyone help me out with stylised images in blackwork (so can't be highly detailed)? Suggestions are welcome but actual images would be awesome. Something like a life timer would rule.

3. Readers' Letters

If you have any letters/comments, please email

We assume any correspondence is eligible for use in the newsletter unless otherwise stated, including the sender's email address. We may also edit your letters and smoke all your cigars.

It is vitally important that you don't pass off other people's work as your own. If you use information from other resources please let us know so we can give proper credit.

This month we have a Clarecraft keyring to give away. Clarecraft have a long history of making models of Discworld Characters. For more information about all Clarecraft products visit their web site at

* From: "Shane Bluemel"
I've just been reading all these e-mails on how long it takes to read a DW book and can't help but think that everybody seems to be missing the point. I mean, I'm by no means a fast reader, neither am I slow reader. I read the books as fast as I feel like according to how much I enjoy them. Surely that's the most important part? I've read some books in a day, others in weeks purely because I like to stop reading and do something else while I reflect on what's happened so far and where it might lead. To be honest I think I get a lot more out of the books that way - you don't have to have a book in front of you to read it :)

JA replies: I totally agree. A good book is for enjoying and savouring. It is certainly not a race. Having said that I can read LOTR in 35 seconds, can anyone beat that?

* From: "Hooi Voon Lim"
I was reading The Far Eastern Economic Review just the other day when I came across a reference to Terry Pratchett (Sept 26, 2002 issue). It was about compressed music files (think MP3) and it mentioned that a great alternative to MP3s were 'Ogg Vorbis'. The article goes on to say that "Ogg is verb meaning to do forcefully, possibly without consideration of the drain on future resources".

Does anyone know how this came about?

* From: "Yonatan Krikov"
WB isn't the only one who didn't get the forebears joke in Anna Ross' letter in issue 67... :( mind explaining?

And I also wanted to make this remark, "The Last Hero" is the first hardcover Discworld I got and as it happens this book in its paperback edition has 16 new paintings in it and I think it's really crappy (if there's a need for censorship use 'unfair').

JA replies: forebears or 'four bears'.

* From: "Leigh Johnson"
Sorry to send an e-mail that may sound like I am a little pedantic, but, well... perhaps I am...

Ninereeds was the master accountant for whom Twoflower worked, the dragon Ninereeds was named after Twoflower's boss.

* From: "Alex Wills"
Does anyone have any idea what tune All the Little Angels (rise up, rise up) from Night Watch should be set to? I'm sure Terry was humming something when he wrote it. (all the words would be nice too)

* From: "nola langford"
I bought Night Watch yesterday, and I'm two-thirds of the way through it (not a record speed, I see, but not bad when I'm marking books as well). The following text has had spoilers removed.

As Vimes was [deleted to avoid spoilers], he encountered a character called Sandra. A few pages later, we found out her surname - Battye. Hang on, I thought, I know a Sandra Battye. She's my mate, and I remember her buying the right to be a Discworld character (or maybe Adrian [Mr Sandra] bought it as a present, I forget).

Several people have paid to turn up on the Disc, some before Sandra, so I wonder: who are they, and where have they turned up??

JA replies: Dr Lawn and Waddy are also real people, although anyone who has met Waddy might not agree.

* From: "deeowen"
I don't know if anyone else finds this annoying but I hope so.

I recently received my edition of Night Watch from with about a pound knocked off the price but nevertheless paying almost the full price quoted on the book.

Unfortunately, my pleasure was short lived. A couple of days after the book was put on general release, W.H. Smith's in Liverpool were selling it with 8GBP off. I have also just discovered that are selling it with a fifty percent discount.

Please tell me that someone else out there finds this really annoying.

DWM replies: As some small recompense, accept Letter of the Month.

* From:
As an actor in the US I have one question.. How can we get scripts of all of those wonderful plays that you mention here in the States? So if anyone can help, it would be much appreciated. We'll let you know when the Los Angeles premier occurs.

* From: "Ari Shammay"
I'm an aussie, the kind you don't hear from that often, and I just got a newsletter from Galaxy book store, one of the best sci-fi / fantasy bookstores this side of the globe! I was perusing through the catalogue of new books when I suddenly flicked to the front (yes, I read it backwards) and there, in big black letters it said "Terry Pratchett will be in store on the 19th of November to sign copies of his new book Night Watch". Man, I was stoked...19th of November happens to be my 18th birthday, so my favourite author will be in my favourite book store on my 18th birthday...keep up the GREAT timing Terry!

* From: "francesco casillo"
I'm a poor Italian who had to wait four years to see the first copy of Guards! Guards! in his language. I don't know who is dealing with Pratchett's publishing rights but Italy is a third world country in literature especially about foreign books. I'm very lucky to understand English, but I had to wait an eternity to share my passion for Discworld novels with my friends (who are still thanking me for the advice). Now they just hope to have enough sand in their hourglasses to see the next ones. Thanks for your e-magazine and keep it like this.

* From: "Michael Sanders"
I was wondering about the TP book called "Eric", now... I understand the relevance to the title Eric and Faust. What I can't understand is... in the back of the Discworld books where it has the lists of all TP's works etc etc I have only found Eric mentioned in this list in one book.

I am aware that Eric is the 9th Discworld book, but is there some reason to its absence?... is it a story with the Discworld backdrop thrown in?... Is it perhaps an individual tale? Or is it just one of the few and far between Discworld books that belong firmly in the dungeon dimensions?!?!?... like, oh... Wyrd Sisters

JA replies: Eric was written with pictures in mind. It was originally a joint effort between Josh Kirby and Terry (mainly to show off some of Josh's excellent artwork) much like the Last Hero with Paul Kidby. Eric was published by a different imprint which may explain it. Also, being careful how I phrase this, for many Eric isn't considered to be a *full* Discworld novel and therefore may not make it into the list.

* From: "Jen Crowe"
I'm doing my dissertation on Terry Pratchett (if you have to do one, might as well have fun!) but I'm having major problems trying to get hold of decent texts on him, or in fact the fantasy genre in general. I sent off for the Pratchett: Guilty of Literature book and eventually Royal Mail returned the request I sent, and when Waterstones sent off for it the wholesaler didn't have the decency to say they didn't have any in until I checked with them 4 weeks later!

I'm also looking for 'Science Fiction in the Twentieth Century' Edward James, 'The Fantasy Literature of England' Colin Manlove and 'Fantasy Literature' Marshall B Tymn et al.

If you could help me with any of these, or know where I can get them please let me know, its week nine and I still haven't started my dissertation!

* From: "Grace Williams"
Upon recieving my first DM newsletter (yah), I was disappointed to find that no functions or conventions were planned for Australia. I understand that I cannot speak for all us aussies but at my highschool Discworld books are never in the library and you have to wait a month to get your hands on one (a trial for a girl that reads a book in less then a day). Furthermore Australia fails to have a listed retailer of Discworld merchandise (you can't even get the Discworld Mapp in bookstores). I have taken to printing off poor unclear photos off the web, in my desperation to surround myself with the fascinating multiverse that the novels evoke for me. Perhaps DWM could provide us aussies with information concerning suppliers or events coming to Australia. Thanks for ya attentions. By the way, I loved your review of "The Fifth Elephant" in Adelaide, the play truly was great.

* From: "Mark"
I just felt I should say thank you for producing Discworld Monthly every month. I am one of the many who don't contribute, just read, but I enjoy what you have to say.

Life is not good for me at the moment, in fact, I was in the middle of a major row when my PC said I had new mail.

Reading the latest issue of Discworld Monthly took my mind off my problems for a while.

Keep up the good work, thanks for what you do, and maybe, one day, I might actually contribute something:)

Thanks for cheering me up today.

DWM replies: Just doing our job...

* From: "Mandie Donaldson"
Does anyone know how much PTerry's autograph is worth? (Probably not much as he's done that many signings!). A guy who works with my dad bought a signed copy of one of PTerry's books and asked me how much it was worth. I've got no idea. But then I wouldn't sell my signed copy of Mort anyway - my birthday's on the same day as The Creator, and at the book signing I went to I got him to write "All the best people are born on April 28". Fantastic!!

* From: "Di keller"
In reply to Andrew Moore's letter on why Discworld events don't happen in America, all I can say is that even though San Diego is not mentioned, Seattle is alive and well in the Discworld. I can't remember which book but the 'seamstress' guild is mentioned in a loving manner, and also building up each street level is a common occurrence within several novels.

* From: "Ann Timmins"
There seems to be no adaptations of Discworld books into plays in Ireland an it sucks! Sumthings gotta be done!! If any1 feels the same an has ne ideas or plans to change this then email me. But if I'm wrong an there already is a group in Ireland or a foreign company is planning on performing here an need a hand then I'd love to get involved in any way at all.

* From: "Holly"
About Actually, Audible subscribers can now burn the audiobooks to CD! It works very well, if your cd player works with 'homeburnt' audio. I've heard that the recorded cds can then be ripped to MP3, so a whole book will fit on one disc.

Audible also has a subscription plan where you can get a free audiobook player. Just download your PTerry to the device. I'm waiting for mine to come in.

They've got Thief of Time available, the Audio Literature version. This multi-voice production features Christopher Cazenove, Gabrielle de Cuir, Karesa McElheny, John Rubinstein, and Stefan Rudnicki, with a guest appearance by Harlan Ellison. Haven't listened to it yet -- but have a road trip next weekend.

* From: "Michael Lynch"
No, Audible do not have all the ISIS books but they do have around 14 of them, a subscription is only a few dollars a month and can be cancelled out, and the latest versions of the Audible Manager software will allow you to burn the audio files directly to CD's.

The quality is nowhere near as nice as you get from the actual Isis cd's or tapes but since these seem to be quite hard to come by in some areas Audible is a reasonable alternative.

The software will also split stories down into smaller sections for transferring to various MP3 players in smaller 'chunks' so you can listen to say an hour a day.

* From: "Zoe Marriott"
I'm a long-time fan of the Great Satiriser Pratchett since the age of eight - having been infected by a fanatical father and sister. Of all the protagonists Mr Pratchett writes about, my hands down fave is Sam Vimes. A lot of people think this is strange, since I'm a twenty-year old girl, and just about as different from Old Stoneface as it is possible to be, but I think he's the character with the most depth and range (not to mention the infamous Elbow).

So why does the man not get more coverage? Why do we only see him in pictures with Carrot and Co? Am I the only one who thinks that Samuel Vimes has acted as a thermometer for the increasing emotional intensity and intellectual development of Mr Pratchett's work? He demonstrates perfectly the Discworld's progress from clever piss-take of over-used fantasy conventions into one of the most amazingly well-written and profound series of books...ever!

So doesn't anyone else love old Vimesy? I'm looking for an out-pouring of support and fellow feeling here. Forget Death's amusing Xylophone rendition of 'Whole Again' - forget Rincewind and that damn attention-seeking luggage. Forget Susan's bloody hair, and Carrot's gleaming muscles. Vote Vimes!

JA replies: I hope this isn't an attempt to get us to start a Great Discworldians series. Anne Robinson might get upset.

* From: "didgeman"
Who would have thought of a place named "Bhang Bhang Duc"??

And yet, there I was poring over a map in the quest for my next batch of didgeridoo logs and I spotted a name in very remote Queensland - Bang Bang Jump Up. Couldn't believe it, not even here on the last continent.

PS. If you ever need any info on didgeridoos, mail me.

* From: "EEVILMURRAY- The Daddy"
I was wondering how Terry first got his books published. I am working on a book myself and all these internet things I find seem to be a load of rubbish.

I have all the Discworld books and I would love it for someone to have my book(s) on their shelves

* From: "Peter Morell"
Just a small e-mail to let you know how cheap I got the new Discworld book "Night Watch".

It's hardcover, and I paid 138,35 Danish krone for it (that's the same as 18,63 EURO) and got it today, the 14th November 2002. On the book is printed the price in 17,99GBP (that's the same as 28,31 EURO).

I bought it from the Danish Internet bookshop: and I think they send worldwide, so if you want to save some money..... get up and "keep the monkey... oh sorry... the ape wet"

JA replies: It is quite easy to pick up the book from many stores in the UK for about 10 GBP. So I am not sure how much of a bargain you have found. Besides all those currency conversions are giving me a headache.

4. Disc Trivia

William "Mr Trivia" Barnett is back with some more brain teasers for
you. Continuing this month with books 6-10, he'll be asking one question per book, in chronological order, until he runs out of books or questions.

Which Shakespeare play features a central character who stages a play to reproach his mother and uncle? And what is that character's name? (WS)

Which Teppicymon is Teppic, hero of Pyramids:
c) WTF

Who keep Vetinari supplied with food, drink and other items when he is imprisoned in a cell in his own palace? (GG)

. Where is Rincewind trying to escape from at the start of Eric?

Complete the quote: 'Can't __________. Can't __________. Can handle a __________ a little.' (MP)

As always the answers can be found at the end of this issue.

5. Review: The Last Hero - Review in Song

by Kay Shapero

Thought people might appreciate the review in song I wrote for The Last Hero awhile back. (I just hope that doesn't mean they'll throw things. :->)

The Last Hero Lyrics by Kay Shapero Tune "Fire In The Sky" by Jordin Kare

'Twas the first hero they say who stole fire from the gods.
And he brought it to the Discworld overcoming all the odds.
Now the last heroes have sworn to return it up on high.
There'll be one bright flash and a fire in the sky.

There's Cohen the Barbarian with all his Silver Horde.
They've done most every hero thing you can with fire and sword.
But there's one deed more they'd accomplish ere they die.
And that's one bright flash and a fire in the sky.

"Now listen up!" says Ridcully, Archchancellor Unseen U.
"We cannot let those heroes do the deed they mean to do.
For if they do succeed then Discworld magic all will die.
In that one bright flash and a fire in the sky."

Death is clearing space in his dark and endless cell.
For if Discworld magic dies of course its life will die as well.
Where do you put a turtle many thousand miles high?
After one bright flash and a fire in the sky.

Leonard, he of Quirm has built a ship to sail the sky.
With Carrot and with Rincewind to the gods' peak he must fly.
But can they stop the Horde before the fireworks are let fly?
And there's one bright flash and a fire in the sky.

There's the peak, Cori Celesti and the Discworld rimword fall.
There's the moon that circles 'round them; Atuin who lugs it all.
And lots of Kirby art that is always worth a look.
If you want the rest you will have to read the book.

Yes if you want the rest you'll just have to read the book!

Lyrics copyright Kay Shapero, 2002

Kay Shapero

6. Review: Night Watch - Audio Book

by Jason Anthony

Released on the same day as hardback of Terry's new Night Watch was the unabridged audio book by ISIS read as normal by Stephen Briggs. ISIS seem to have really got their timing right this time. If you so wished you could listen to the audio book whilst reading along with your new novel.

Having read the novel back in August (partly during more sober moments at the Convention) it was a pleasure to hear it again. One of the reasons the novel is so great is having Vimes separated from his usual stalwarts. Stephen is, as always, on top form. His reading style has reminded me just how dark and dramatic this novel is compared with Terry's previous books. Snouty's nasal voice is very good, Carcer's voice has just the right amount of mischievousness about it to seem real and of course Stephen's pet character Vetinari was spot on. It was fun to rediscover the sporadic timing of Swing's speech which must have been a real challenge for Stephen to do.

Night Watch is approximately 11 hours and 40 minutes long (making it just 15 minutes shorter than the mammoth (get it) Fifth Elephant) and comes on either 9 cassettes or 11 CDs and costs 26.99GBP for either version plus 2.50GBP p&p.

ISIS have also released Pyramids on compact disc. This is the original read by Nigel Planer. It comes on 9 CDs and costs 24.99GBP plus 2.50p&p.

To order these titles from ISIS either call 0800-731-5637 or visit

7. Article: German Book Title Translations

by Richad Massey

In issue 67 we asked whether anyone knew exactly how the German titles for Discworld books should be translated. The response was predictable (i.e. huge) so I've been given the task of summarising it all. Before I begin I would like to point out that I know nothing about German at all. Where I went to school I had to choose between German and Welsh, so, while I might be able to argue knowledgably about what 'Lleidr Amser' means, everything below is taken on trust.

So here goes:

Many thanks go to all the people who wrote in with their translations for these titles. Special thanks to must go to the reader who also sent in the Dutch, Swedish, Spanish and Italian titles, but please, no more!

8. The End

* Contact Information *

We prefer information to be sent via email, but can accept information via fax or post at the following addresses:

Post: J Anthony-Rowlands (DWM), 20 Cambrian Place, Pontarddulais, Swansea, SA4 8RG

* Latest Book Information *

The latest Discworld book released in paperback was Thief of Time 0552148407/87 and the lastest hardback was Night Watch 0385602642/87

Terry's latest children's book is The Amazing Maurice and his Educated Rodents 0385601239/87 and his latest collaboration is The Science of Discworld II: The Globe 0091882737/87

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* Trivia Results *

Which Shakespeare play features a central character who stages a play to reproach his mother and uncle? And what is that character's name? (WS)

Which Teppicymon is Teppic, hero of Pyramids: a) XXVI
c) WTF

Who keeps Vetinari supplied with food, drink and other items when he is imprisoned in a cell in his own palace? (GG)
The rats.

Where is Rincewind trying to escape from at the start of Eric?
The Dungeon Dimensions.

Complete the quote: 'Can't __________. Can't __________. Can handle a __________ a little.' (MP)
'Can't sing. Can't dance. Can handle a sword a little.'

* Obtaining Terry's Books *

If you are looking for Terry books or videos over the net, simply visit our web page at and follow the 'Purchasing' link on the left panel of the page.

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