Discworld Monthly - Issue 69: January 2003

1. Editorial

Welcome to issue 69 and the year 2003. Whilst at the Cunning Artificer's event in December I found out about two events that you should put in your diaries now.

The 5th Clarecraft Discworld Event will take place from 1st to 3rd August 2003. Terry has confirmed his availability and other Discworld celebrities are being invited. The 2003 theme is Pyramids (so let's hope the weather holds up).

The 2004 Convention will take place from 20th to 23rd August 2004 at the Hanover International Hotel Hinckley, Leicestershire. This is the same hotel as the 2002 Convention and it well suited to this kind of event. Even if the food wasn't great!

--
Jason Anthony (Editor) info@discworldmonthly.co.uk
William Barnett (Deputy Editor)
Richard Massey (Apres-ski enthusiast)

2. News

Cardiff Players will be performing Wyrd Sisters from Tuesday 14th to Saturday 18th January 2003 from 7.30pm at the Players Theatre, YMCA, The Walk, Cardiff. Tickets cost 4.50GBP and can be obtained from 02920 554430/492992 or visit wwww.cardiffplayers.org

Microcon 2003 is coming! It is going to be held on the 1st and 2nd March 2003 at the University of Exeter, Devon. Guest of Honour will be Jasper Fforde, and other guests include Jon Courtenay Grimwood, Peter Garratt, N Lee Wood and Stephen Palmer. Tickets cost 5.00GBP on the door, 3.50GBP for students and for advance tickets. Further details can be found on the website at ~~gosh.ex.ac.uk/societies/scifi/microcon.html~~ or by contacting the organiser, Jo Foster at J.B.Foster@ex.ac.uk or by snail mail: Flat A3, 11 Kingdom Mews, Exeter, EX4 4BU

Small Ads....

Please note, DWM has no way of checking the veracity or validity of any of the items in our small ads section. As always, exercise caution when giving out your details over the Internet. We *strongly* recommend parental supervision for younger readers who
follow up any of these contacts.

Jagtazman jagtazman@hotmail.com writes: I am looking for unopened bottles of Discworld Wine and Beer as detailed below. If anyone has any for sale, please can they contact me.

WINE: Fountain of Youth 1996, Eternal Life Guaranteed or Your Money Back BEER: Nanny Ogg's Scumble, Fifty 1948 - 1998, Imp Pale Ale

Christina Brown christinabro@hotmail.com writes: I have a complete set of abridged Discworld Novels (but not including The Last Hero or Nightwatch) on audiotape, read by Tony Robinson. They are in good condition and boxed. Any offers?

Jeannette Spencer boudicca@email.com writes: I've got two Mint condition DW Diaries for sale on ebay - item numbers: 1981287434 (1998 Unseen University) and 1981288438 (2000 Assassins Guild) so come on over and buy them off me!

Jhayjph@aol.com writes: I have a copy of the words to "Trampling the Infidels with Hooves of Iron," but the writer is English, and set the words to the tune of "Lo, He Comes with Clouds Descending," an English hymn. Being an American Jew I tend to have trouble finding British hymnals. If anyone has the music (preferably sheet music, but a recording would be fine) for the aforementioned hymn, I would be forever grateful.

guitargoddess@juno.com writes: I was wondering if there was a way to get the sheet music, preferably that has guitar tabulature too, to the Soul Music CD? I would like to learn to play some riffs in the song Pathway to Paradise. Do you know of any other guitarists in this fandom? I specifically want the tab to be in Power Tab format.

Phil Masters phil@philm.demon.co.uk writes: Jen Crowe wanted to know how to get hold of *Guilty of Literature*. Well, it's published by the Science Fiction Foundation, and their site, at

~~www.sf-foundation.org/publications/specials/guilty.html~~

Sudeshna Datta Chaudhuri fingers2@rediffmail.com writes: Where do they sell terry Pratchett books in Calcutta, India? I have seen some in the Landmark, in Lord Sinha Road. Anywhere else? Could you let me know?

3. Readers' Letters

If you have any letters/comments, please email info@discworldmonthly.co.uk

We assume any correspondence is eligible for use in the newsletter unless otherwise stated, including the sender's email address. We may also edit your letters and feed all the ones we don't like to the dogs.

It is vitally important that you don't pass off other people's work as your own. If you use information from other resources please let us know so we can give proper credit.

This month we have a Clarecraft keyring to give away. Clarecraft have a long history of making models of Discworld Characters. For more information about all Clarecraft products visit their web site at www.clarecraft.co.uk

*
* From: "Tom Orgel" tom.orgel@achronos.de
*
All you PTerry-Junkies might have fun and a good deal of interesting facts by reading "Meditations on Middle-Earth" (Published in 2001 by St. Martin's Press, New York (A Byron Preiss Book)). Essentially, it's a collection of essays, in which 17 contemporary Fantasy-Authors give Tribute (with a capital T) to Tolkien and his influence on modern fiction. With PTerry amongst them. Rambling on about young Terry hitting Fantasy first time (Or the other way round. While baby-sitting.) and the nature of Literature-Critics and welsh dope plantings...

Notes to the 7. Article: German Book Title Translations. Personally, I don't like the German translations. Being a German myself I still prefer to read the Originals. The puns are better. So are the Names. Well, mostly they got them translated right, sometimes they even got the occasional play-of-words into German. But most people don't notice them anyway. And the German names simply sound silly! (For Germans.) Take Sam Vimes. The sound and feeling of the name is that of a mean, tough, sinewy bugger. The German Samuel Mumm is even for Germans more like a nice, plump, harmless man. The notes:

> Voll im Bilde (Moving Pictures): Completely in the Picture - as in
> English this means to understand the situation, though it has
> nothing to do with cinema.

Not quite right. In German the term means also the equivalent to a cinematographers "Full Total" (as opposed to a 'Close-Up'), that is: getting the whole scenery in one shot. Most (I will not say all) Germans will clearly connect this with cinema.

> Der Volle Warheit (The Truth): The Full Truth - apparently 'Der'
> is the wrong gender (it should be 'Die'). This is a reference to
> the many typos that crop up in the newspaper (surely?).

Who got this wrong? Got the copy right here on my desk and it spells clearly "Die volle Wahrheit". So, there isn't even a reference or a feeble attempt to do a pun.

*
* From: "Muir" middlemuir@wol.co.za
*
Whilst perusing an Abandonware site (games that cannot be found or bought for love nor money) I stumbled across all the Discworld PC games. Is it legal to download these? How do I find out? I fear that the PC police will find me and confiscate my 3rd best friend.

Secondly, in the great Pc crash of 2001 I lost contact with a group of South Africans who had an email ring. I'm sure they know who they are... I'd love to get hold of them. BTW anyone who feels like contacting me regarding DW-stuff, feel free.

Thirdly, has anyone read (or listened) to Frank Muir and Dennis Norden's "My word" series? To those who have, would I be wrong in adding them to my list of kindred souls of TP - to me few can emulate their comic brilliance.

DWM replies: According to Colin Smythe, Terry's agent, it is illegal to download any of the Discworld games. Even though the companies that produced the games no longer exist, the copyright of the games now belong to their parent companies.

*
* From: "David Hopper" dgh2112@hotmail.com
*
During the Two Towers [Movie], Gimli makes several references to things like the height and sex issues of Dwarves, and the effect this has had on humans views and stories made about them. All of which bear an uncanny resemblance to much of what PTerry has written about that race. I won't spoil them for those that haven't seen the movie yet, but could this mean that Peter Jackson is a fan of Discworld? Could he be making a bid bring that series to the big screen?

*
* From: "Buggy Swires" buggyswires@hotmail.com
*
"JA replies: I totally agree. A good book is for enjoying and savouring. It is certainly not a race. Having said that I can read LOTR in 35 seconds, can anyone beat that?"

Jason! LOTR is only four letters, I can read it FAR faster than
that!!

Hee hee hee...

*
* From: ant ant@brocom.de
*
Some observations on left-handedness in Discworld characters as portrayed in "The last Hero"

[snip 2 pages of analysis of which hand characters use in illustrations in The Last Hero - you can examine them for yourselves - Ed]

I hope you won't think I am small-minded in pointing these facts out, I think they are very interesting, and amusing. I myself, while not quite as old as Cohen, and not a hero, know what it is to be lefthanded in a righthanded male-type arms-conscious world, and I am glad to think that one of us made it right to the top!

I look forward to any comments to these observations, and remain yours very sincerely

*
* From: "Max Hannan" max_hannan@yahoo.co.uk
*
While I was researching for a presentation I need to make on the evolution of the horse, I came across a quote in 'The Nature of Horses' by a Mr. Stephen Budiansky. He quotes someone called J.B.S. Haldene (a renowned British zoologist, apparently) who said: "You can drop a mouse down a thousand-yard mineshaft; and, on arriving at the bottom, it gets a slight shock and walks away, providing the ground is fairly soft. A rat is killed, a man is broken, a horse splashes."

Now, this had me calling my friend to ask if I could borrow her copy of 'Feet of Clay' (as I left mine at uni) as I vaguely recalled Wee Mad Arthur saying something quite similar. Lo and behold, on page 231, I find the quote: "A spider'll not even notice a drop like this, a mouse'd walk away, a horse'd break every bone in his body and a helephant would spla--".

I thought it was nice to find Terry-ness in works beyond fantasy.

DWM replies: Max gets Letter of the Month

*
* From: "Michael Birch" mikebirch80@hotmail.com
*
Have only come recently to PTerry and fail to understand why I missed him for so long. I've "dotted about" as far as the order of publication goes and have read about ten, I suppose. I recently decided I'd have a go at reading them in order of publication, and am just about to start MORT. It's true what one of your contributors said (about Sam Vimes in particular) that the characters do develop over time, so I'm now seeing earlier incarnations of characters I've come to love in later Discworld books - especially the witches (by the way, anyone know if Esme Weatherwax is open to proposals of marriage at present? I'm 45, single and getting a bit desperate ... )

Was also fascinated to find "Lleidr Amser" on the bookshelf at Ruthin Library - Pratchett in Welsh, hurrah! Unfortunately my Welsh isn't far enough advanced to be able to take advantage of it ... yet! But please tell Richard Massey that Welsh Pratchett is alive and well and living in Denbighshire!

*
* From: Irene.Papst@dfat.gov.au
*
The book rip-off really upsets me as well. Just like Yonatan Krikov, I bought my VERY FIRST Pratchett hardcopy (very very expensive in Austria) when "TLH" came out, because of the pictures it seemed wise. To now hear that the paperback, which I used to buy in the past, has 16 new paintings, makes me more than mad, and sad as well.

Is there somewhere to voice this anger, somewhere to demand an explanation apart from the simply, honest "we wanted to bleed you dry, suckers"? I simply cannot afford to buy it again, and I hate being disappointed by anything connected with Terry (hard to imagine he had nothing to do with this, or that the 16 illustrations were done later on, as a whim).

Would really be please about some enlightenment on the new pictures, please write, Irene

*
* From: "Daniela Caluianu" daniela@crest.ocn.ne.jp
*
Although Richard concluded his compendium of German titles with the request to be spared more, I cannot help myself and I send you these lines about the state of the art in Japan.

I found something called 'sannin no majo' and on the (hard)cover it says 'THE DISCWORLD NOVEL 3'. Can you already guess what book I'm talking about? I bet you cannot. It is 'Wyrd Sisters' The Japanese title means 'Three Witches'. No more comments here.

Here's a quote:

-I hate cats. (Verence)
Although there's no way that could happen, Death's face became a little stiffer. The blue light in his sockets flickered red for an instant.
-I see, he said. You could understand from the sound of his voice that Death felt sympathy towards the cat-hater.

Yes, there is no mistake. The sentence in the Japanese book said just that. I checked with my husband. I first asked him to read the passage and then asked him if he thought Death liked cats. His answer was NO. Without any hesitation.

So I stopped reading the Japanese book and bought myself the English version, which I had not read before.

This convinced me that the translator never read any of Terry's books before (or after) doing that translation. By the way, Death talks in boldface.

I stop here. It's Hogswatch season, after all...

*
* From: "Terry Lloyd" hawkuk@hotmail.com
*
I have a question for you. In this month's mag an item from "nola langford" about her friend being in Night Watch. I was not aware that you could do this.

As my 50th Birthday approaches, my friends have asked me what I would like. I now know .... to be in a Terry Pratchett Discworld Novel. How to I go about getting the right to be in one? As a retired Police Sergeant I would like to be in the Watch!!

DWM replies: Usually people appear in the books by bidding for the privilege in charity auctions.

*
* From: "Nick Caulfield" n.caulfield@clara.net
*
Re: Real People in Discworld Books

In Masquerade, when Granny and Nanny arrive at Mrs Palm's, the door is answered by Colette and Granny comments "What fascinating earrings you are wearing".

The real life Colette is Colette Reap and the earrings in question were in the shape of Anorankhs

*
* From: shimrod@orcas.net
*
Not all of those fortunate to have been chosen to appear in PTerry's books have had to pay for the privilege! Terry saw my namestamp in my books about 5 years ago.. his eyes lit up and he asked me on the spot if he could use it in the future.. he even used the words I spoke to explain it to him in TFE. (It means Watermeadow) having been a monster PTerry fan I of course said 'with pleasure!'. Who am I? I'm the young Lance-Constable recently promoted in 'Night Watch' to Corporal Ping. Living down here in the land of fog (aka New Zealand) we only get to see PTerry rarely. So when he showed up a week or so ago, everyone was aflutter. Witches and wizards abounded and even the odd watchman was about. I finally got to thank him in person rather than email for the honour of appearing in two books. I was informed that further promotion may follow soon. He signed the sack of books I was carrying, poor guy must get such a sore hand! The line went right down the hall and out into the street! and I even got a photo for posterity. So those of you with odd names mention them to TP and you never know ;-)

*
* From: "Amy Cornell" weeone84@yahoo.com
*
Just wanted to make you aware of my personal attempt to make TP more widely read in the USA. I work for the largest national chain of book stores and am asked every month to recommend a book to be displayed as a staff recommendation. This holiday season it's Night Watch, and I've managed to display it in the staff rec section, the front window (twice) and have it written up in the newsletter. But I know I've achieved some success when I heard my co-workers telling people that they've never read it, but since I won't shut up about it, it must be a great book. I've already managed to convert two new fans, and am working on three others.

Just trying to do my part!

*
* From: "Colin Close" colin.close@virgin.net
*
With ref to the review of the audio version (of Night Watch). Have many people noticed the difference? It seems that Vetinari is better informed than in the book! - he knows that 'Keel' is 'Vimes' - read & listen to the conversation he has with Madame whilst sitting in the comfy chair.

JA Replies: In order to release the ISIS audio version at the same time as the hardback Stephen Briggs read from an uncorrected book proof. In the mean time the mistake was identified and corrected before the final release of the book.

*
* From: "Nigel Westmancott" nigel.westmancott@virgin.net
*
I'm not sure if this has come up before; whilst rereading Carpe Jugulum recently I noticed what appears to be a rare slip of the pen.

I refer to page 103 of the Doubleday hard back version. The narrator is describing the inside of Nanny Ogg's house, in particular the pecking order for photographs and the array of ornaments on every surface in the sitting room. Quote; This was why what space wasn't taken up with family pictures was occupied by ornaments, because no Ogg who travelled more than 10 miles from Ankh-Morpork would dream of returning without a present. Unquote

As Nanny Ogg and her clan live in Lancre surely the line should read "because no Ogg who travelled more than 10 miles from Lancre would dream of returning without a present."

*
* From: "Charlie Ashford" charlieashford@hotmail.com
*
I know that this is probably the wrong place to send this, but what the hell.

I would like to know how many DW fans are also H2G2 fans(the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy). Just random interest really.

PS Can I also point out to those H2G2 fans who do exist, that on the original TV program (available now on DVD) the ' in Hiker's is missed out. Weird.

JA replies: The VHS version has the ' missing but the DVD doesn't. How's that for added extras?

*
* From: SylviaBlundell@aol.com
*
Carcer is a pretty unusual name, isn't it? I was wondering if there is any echo of the villain of Dickens' Dombey and Son, Carker, who is also a devious, treacherous, perpetually smiling bastard.

*
* From: "Kathryn Daniels" kdaniels@bunburyshs.wa.edu.au
*
The great PTerry came to the far extremities of XXXX, to Perth (Yes Perth - where no one comes because it is almost the end of the Earth and quite definitely a far outpost of civilisation) Western Australia, and I managed to drive the two hours from my place of abode to the signing (not once, but twice, having got the date wrong and arriving a week early). My brother had got a book signed for me a fair few years ago in Melbourne, and I was absolutely beside myself when i found out I had the opportunity to return the favour. It was the fulfilment of a long time dream to see Terry in person, I have been a fan since about 1986, when an ex-boyfriend had given me The Colour of Magic and The Light Fantastic to read. I have read everything Terry has written, Discworld or not, except for Thief of Time and Nightwatch, (which I am reading now) and I must say I admire someone like Terry who can put up with the most amazing things at book signings and the like with the grace and humour that he showed. My respect for the man has increased immensely. Thanks Terry!!

*
* From: "Steven Harvey" steven@harvey9137.fsnet.co.uk
*
I'm right with Zoe Marriott on the Sam Vimes thing.

No other character has grown so convincingly within the Discworld series. The drunken cynic from Guards, Guards has elbowed his way through some of PTerry's strongest story lines, ending up as the sober cynic we have now.

To me it seems that the Watch books provide PTerry with the vehicle he needs to write outside the Discworld genre, whilst managing to stay wthin it. (I know what I mean). Crime, mystery, murder and intrigue, all tied in with the classic comic invention such as Nobbs and Colon.

I will say though that the thing that hooks me most is that when I read Vimes I can't help but recognise myself in there somewhere. Scary.

Finally, I have the sneaking suspicion that Vimes may just be PTerry's favourite character too.

*
* From: "Cathryn Johns" cathryn@kbm.co.za
*
To "deeowen" who was complaining how the price of Night Watch dropped after he bought it: that's nothing! I ordered my copy via a local website, but because we're in South Africa they order from a UK supplier. During the 3 weeks between the time that I ordered the book and me actually getting the book, the exchange rate strengthened and the price dropped by about a third! So not only did I not *have* the book yet, I *still* got ripped off on the price!

So it's not just you: it really is really annoying.

*
* From: "Liz Thompson" thompsonfamily_uk@yahoo.com
*
I also pre-ordered Nightwatch from Amazon, when it was listed at 12.99 GBP. By the time it was published, they had it on offer at 50% off, so I e-mailed them and complained (strongly). I had to send 3 e-mails to get round their "wonderful" automatic reply system, but they refunded me the difference in price. It is worth making a fuss,

*
* From: "The Kenworthys" kenworthys@connect.com.fj
*
I can't believe this! I am the most avid Discworld fan (do you know how difficult it is to get his books in Botswana, south Africa or Fiji), you are having a town twinning in Wincanton and I'm not going to be there. If it wasn't for the people of Wincanton I would not be talking to you simply because I did a Rag Week hitch from Sheffield to Penzance (with a friend nicknamed 'killer' - maybe this is why we didn't get lifts) and would have died in Wincanton if the people at the local hadn't taken us in.

I would have loved to have been there for this to say thanks to the people that kept me and 'killer' alive instead of letting us freeze in the bus-shelter. And to see Ankh Morpork twinned, well ....... Nowadays I live in Fiji, and before that in Botswana (where I got an email from himself -probably because he had to look up Botswana to figure out where his fans were living) - anyway I developed an aversion to cold temperatures thanks to that near miss in Wincanton. Damn Damn

Anything going on in April/ May next year in the UK - I might be there then, for a couple of weeks.

*
* From: "Popov, Ivo" bivenceto@yahoo.com
*
In reply to Hooi Voon Lim's question about the Ogg Vorbis music format.

I remember reading about this in the Wikipedia article on Ogg Vorbis. Apparently, the name 'Ogg' has nothing to do with Pratchett's works; however, 'Vorbis' actually refers to the High Priest Vorbis in 'Small Gods'.

The original article is located at: www.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vorbis

*
* From: "Deb McFarlen" dmcfarle@ca.inter.net
*
Alex Wills' letter in the latest DWM got me thinking. While I wouldn't presume to suggest what (if any) tune Mr. Pratchett may have been humming while writing "All the Little Angels", it does fit reasonably well to the chorus of the traditional American folk song "Shortnin' Bread" made popular in the 1930's by such performers as Nelson Eddy and Paul Robeson.

The lines scan, more or less, and the emphasis comes on the appropriate syllable. (And you can march to it, always an asset for a soldier's song.)

Mamma's little baby loves SHORTnin', SHORTnin',
Mamma's little baby loves SHORTnin' bread.

All the little angels RISE up, RISE up,
All the little angels RISE up high.

(In case anyone's interested, shortnin' bread, is apparently just a "quick bread" - one you don't have to knead, although it will rise up ...)

*
* From: "Louise Deutscher" schumicat@ozemail.com.au
*
It's been a long wait but I am delighted to say that I've just been to my second TP book signing. He was his usual funny and charming self and even remembered me from four years ago. Well - it wasn't me so much as Miss Dinah, my Victorian-dressed cat doll, that he remembered. "Some things stay in your memory" he said, and was happy to point out that Tolkien never had his picture taken with a dressed cat. You've gotta love the man.

4. Disc Trivia

William "Mr Trivia" Barnett is back with some more brain teasers for
you. Continuing this month with books 11-15, he'll be asking one question per book, in chronological order, until he runs out of books or questions.

Q10.: What dance do Death and Miss Flitworth introduce to the Discworld? (RM)
Q11.: Translate these foreign expressions: 'der flabberghast', 'dairy air', 'silver plate'. (WA)
Q12.: How does an eagle kill a tortoise? (SG)
Q13.: What's the title of the instructive book Verence inadvertently orders for Shawn Ogg? (L&L)
Q14.: How does Retrophrenology work? (MaA)

As always the answers can be found at the end of this issue.

5. Review: Town Twinning Wincanton December 2002

by Jason Anthony

Over the last few years since Bernard and Isobel Pearson moved to Wincanton they have slowly been bringing Discworld to the locals. This acceptance of Discworld was readily demonstrated by the town's approval of Bernard's latest plan to twin Wincanton with Ankh-Morpork.

The main reason for the event of the 7th & 8th December was to raise money for charity. Bernard wants to build a kiln for disabled people as clay is apparently a very therapeutic substance to handle.

Although the event officially started on Saturday, Friday saw an influx of some of the more hardcore fans - to the point where when I caught up with Bernard on Saturday he looked slightly overwhelmed by the whole thing.

A free-for-all Thud event was being run in the back rooms of the Dolphin Inn, as well as training for learners from Trevor Truran (Thud's Designer). A small merchants' hall had been set up with some of the usual suspects such as Clarecraft, Mark Ayling and Bursar Vixen Enterprises. Hidden away in another room was Dave Hodges who was selling amongst other things, copies of his book The Arts of Falconrie and Hawking, now in its third edition with Paul Kidby artwork.

The main planned event was the Twinning itself which took place at the Town Hall. Shortly before two pm a mass of Discworld fans (many in fancy dress) took to the high street and followed Frank Foster, Wincanton's charismatic mayor, down to the Town square - much to the annoyance of any drivers trying to pass. At one stage I am sure some of the fans dressed in Watch costumes took up an impromptu traffic control role.

Invitations were given to witness the ceremony as space was limited in the Town Hall and the Health and Safety Officials like to set limits. Once the limit was reached Bernard announced that he couldn't allow anyone else into the building but wouldn't be looking after the door as he was needed inside. After a few minutes most people had made it into the main hall and the bell was rung to start the meeting.

The event was overseen by a number of Mr Boggis's Hard Men and many of the members of the Wincanton council. First Frank Foster said a few words of welcome and did a small advert for Wincanton and how he was glad to be twinning with the Universe.

Next Lord Vetinari (Stephen Briggs) said a few words about the first (as far as he was aware) twinning of a real and apparently unreal city. But he did assure us that Wincanton really was real.

Next the official documents were signed (in triplicate) and, after Frank Foster got his pen back from Vetinari (proving that Wincanton has indeed understood the ways of Ankh-Morpork), an exchange of gifts took place. Wincanton providing locally produced meat products and Ankh providing a couple of Ankh-Morpork pennies (Six pounds for 2 pennies at current exchange rates, available from the Cunning Artificer's shop).

Terry was amongst the crowd during the ceremony and it was obvious to anyone who saw him how much fun he was having. I suspect he quite enjoyed being out of the spotlight for a few minutes and had a chance to relax.

When the official ceremony was over everyone went outside for a iconographic opportunity which again shut off traffic to the town for the next half hour. All that could be heard in the background was the frustrated beeping of horns from the hapless drivers trying to get through town.

I look forward to the day when you will be able to drive into Wincanton and see the sign Welcome to Wincanton, Twinned with Ankh-Morpork.

With the main events over and a few hours to go until the Hogswatch Feast, fans took to the many drinking establishments for some liquid refreshment. And a most enjoyable time (as they say) was had by all.

As no one place was big enough for all the fans, three locations had been set up to provide the food. Room allocation was predetermined and I was lucky enough to be in the main location. The meal consisted of locally produced sausages, gravy and mash. After the meal Frank Foster made a short speech and lead the room in a round of "For he's a Jolly Good Fellow" for Terry, who appeared quite humbled. Terry then spoke of never being able to stop writing Discworld books until the day that (to paraphrase) "Lyn lifts my head off the keyboard and clears my computer as per instructions". Shortly afterwards some Wassailers visited to sing some traditional Discworld Hogswatch songs.

Unfortunately I had to leave before 11pm to get to my B&B room so I missed much of the continued drinking.

Sunday held the culmination of the Thud tournament at 1pm where Trevor Truran simultaneously played the top eight scorers of the competition. As I understand it Becky was once again crowned Thud champion.

Terry spent a couple of hours signing books and the event concluded with the grand raffle draw at 3.30pm. The first prize of the raffle was a very impressive Ankh-Morpork Coat of Arms.

I had a great time meeting new friends, enjoyed the wonderful Discworld hospitality and hope Bernard is able to look back at the event and realise how much he really enjoyed it.

6. Review: Ook# - Programming for Librarians

A new language based on Ook! has been developed to make use of the new .NET programming system. Ook# is almost 100% compatible with Ook! and has been released under the BSD license.

From the official web site:

Specially for orang-utans an Ook# .NET Compiler v1.0 has been developed. The syntax only contains one word, namely Ook, but pronounced in different tones and emotions it can have a different effect. Quite some effort went into making sure the word "monkey" isn't mentioned anywhere in the sources.

The downloaded compiler comes complete with sample applications that you can compile and test for yourself, including the obligatory Hello World application.

For more information on this highly important development in the Ook! programming language visit the official Ook# web site at: bluesorcerer.net/esoteric/ook.html

For information on the original Ook! visit: www.dangermouse.net/esoteric/ook.html

7. The End

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Email: info@discworldmonthly.co.uk
Post: J Anthony-Rowlands (DWM), 20 Cambrian Place, Pontarddulais, Swansea, SA4 8RG

* Latest Book Information *

The latest Discworld book released in paperback was Thief of Time 0552148407/87 and the latest hardback was Night Watch 0385602642/87

Terry's latest children's book is The Amazing Maurice and his Educated Rodents 0385601239/87 and his latest collaboration is The Science of Discworld II: The Globe 0091882737/87

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* Trivia Results *

Q10.: What dance do Death and Miss Flitworth introduce to the Discworld? (RM)
A10.: The Tango
Q11.: Translate these foreign expressions: 'der flabberghast', 'dairy air', 'silver plate'. (WA)
A11.: Bat, bum, please
Q12.: How does an eagle kill a tortoise? (SG)
A12.: Carries it up in the air sufficiently high so that, when the eagle drops the tortoise, the tortoise's shell shatters on impact
Q13.: What's the title of the instructive book Verence inadvertently orders for Shawn Ogg? (L&L)
A13.: Martial Arts
Q14.: How does Retrophrenology work? (MaA)
A14.: The patient is hit on the head with a selection of different size mallets, the idea being to mould the contours of their head to indicate various character traits

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